Grace Like Rain

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Talk about a writer's block

Emily and I have been struggling writing this play for weeks.
And I think it's finally getting to her.
ARRRRGGGGG

Name says:
whats that thing..the represenatives..are they the ones who have to attend those meetings?
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
yupp
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
the looooong boooooring meetings
Name says:
okay the mom should be like "oh noes i have that meeting today but i cant go because im stuck in my indifferent daughter's body!"
Name says:
what a predicament!
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
srsly Em,
what mother talks like that?

Eeeeek

Shae is coming to visit me at the end of March
<333333333

I miss Shae Skands

Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
i havent seen you since laaast laaast summer, have I?
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
when your head was mangled up
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
i dont remember my head being mangled up
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
when you fell
and you couldnt leave the house
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
so Rachel and I came over
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
ooohhh yeah haha
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
and watched crappy movies with you
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
when i had my concusion
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
Sin City
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
haha
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
and Jenine said blond things and we laughed at her
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
that was a while ago
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
Jenine always does
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
Thats because she's Jenine
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
she always has
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
even when we were, like, 4
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
lol
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
"lets eat rocks"
Good Golly [Miss Molly] <> says:
yep.
good times.
you thought you were a boy
and Jenine ate rocks while I stole Chelsea's barbies
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
lol
The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life is too short for lies. says:
those were some good times

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Wow.
Just found my old blog.
haha
Blast from the past...
as in... september and earlier.
All the way to grade10.
Like, the week after my mom died.
freeeaky.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/halasara

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Words Words Words

I've been thinking lately of how quickly I gave up my dreams of becoming a writer.
It's like it was what was always expected of me, and I didn't want to be the same old predictable boring Molly. On the other hand, sometimes I wonder if I held onto it as long as I did simply because I thought it was what "mom would want".
I love to write. That will never change.
I love words and how I can manipulate them to speak the words I could never say out loud.
I just wish I knew what I wanted to do with life. I want to have a real purpose.
I know I'll always have a purpose as a Christian, but I want to be seen as meaningful and appreciated outside that sect.
In bible study today I pretty much had a breakdown. Everything about my mom and myself just came out in a floodgate release that would make fish tremble.
I'm so blessed with those people there. Shawn mentioned that we become who we surround ourselves with, and I thought how lucky I am to be surrounded by those people.
Carlye held my hand through all of it and told me how she loved me. And Caitlyn was able to plead for me, the way I haven't been able to.
Deanna came to me afterwards and told me she could feel what I felt when I talked about my mom. Now I'm not so scared to present my testimony because I know that some of the stuff I mention in it can really reach people. It was a horribly fark part of my life, but I'm willing to dig it all up if I'm able to get through to people.
Then it's completely with it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty much just stoked now.

Wow. I'm talking like Caitlyn Spence.
I need some more friends with a wider vocabulary.

Sooo tired.
No school tomorrow.
<3I love life.
It's totally official.

Adios my loyal chickas and papa citos

Molly<33

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Rachel; Rachie-pants-s; RaeRae; Satchel; Rolly; Machel

So I spent an hour or so today talking to Rachel in Sharkies about all these crazy things we did at our first sleepover. We laughed so hard we were crying. The time when we made potato people when we were 12 and then made them into hashbrowns.
"ESMERELDA!" and Bananagirl. It was pretty much the greatest thing ever. I never fully appreciate how much we've been through until
after these crazy conversations.
Today I also went over my testimony with Shawn and he'd stop me while I was reading and ask me questions until he got the core scary stuff.
At the bits about Rachel he stopped me and asked me WHY she was such a big part at that time in my life.
And it was like "because she's Rachel. She was my everything.I never felt whole without her." and then I realized how much she really DID help me when I needed her during the stuff with my mom. She cried when I told her my dad had run off again. I cried when she told me Roo had died. My emails from family always include "send Rachel our love" and I call her Grandma... Grandma. We've gotten lost in Metrotown. We've gotten lost a block away from my Oma's house. But at least we're always together for it all.
She has always been my first call. The one I call when something bad or good happens. The first person I wanted to see when Ben kissed me, the first person I needed to see when he dumped me.
And even though we've had a lot of fights and we drive eachother crazy half the time, we can still sit in a cafeteria crying about the time we almost blew up my oven and watched that retarded llama cartoon forever.
Alone it was lame, but together everything was amazing.

I love that girl so completely and I'd be dead without her.

...and my stories wouldn't be half as funny without her being a part of them

Monday, February 19, 2007

Have I mentioned that I love my friends and my life and my...eeek!

My Upcoming Week

Tues - Pancake breakfast at school (to celebrate the chinese new year. We also got fortune cookies today... our VP's wife is chinese)
- Lunch with Shawn

Wed - Beautifying my hair with Caitlyn
- Bible study(ies)

Thurs - Nothing .... yet. But I shall plan something.... so there.

Fri - COUCH-A-FRICKIN-THON (best not to ask)

Sat - Clothes Drive for jobies

Sun - Church

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Don't Stop

Don't stop sucking me in,
Making me come back to you.
No one will ever compare,
Will ever be better than you.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

boysss

Why do they always strategically pop up when I need them the absolute least?

That's it. Vow of celibacy, my name is Molly.

BESTFRIEND<333

MiCHelle says:
so i'm going to make it my personal mission in life to find out if he likes u
MiCHelle says:
my plan has a part system
MiCHelle says:
part a. start talking to him after 2 years of awkward silence
MiCHelle says:
part b. somehow make him trust me (shouldn't be too hard everyone else does)
MOLLY <> says:
HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAH (please don't let the poor kid like me)
MiCHelle says:
part c. casually mention past crushes (strategically leaving my name out)
MiCHelle says:
part d. mention that he seems to like the little girls
MiCHelle says:
part e. and by little i mean young
MiCHelle says:
part f. and also short
MiCHelle says:
part g. equals molly
MiCHelle says:
I'll brb, laugh about that one for awhile

Friday, February 16, 2007

truce.

you can have washington i'll take new jersey

you can have london but i want new york city

i should get providence i've got a job now

los angeles - obvious - that's where you belong now

you can have africa asia australia

as long as you keep your hands off cafe pamplona

we can split germany right down the middle

you'd hate it there anyway

take berlin and well call it even

you can take all of the carry-on baggage

i'll trade the saskia jokes for the alphabet language

and if we find out that we have any children

we'll trade them off summers and alternating weekends

you call it over and i call you psycho

significant other?

just say we were lovers and we'll call it even

we'll call it even

i am the ground zero ex-friend you ordered

disgused as a hero to get past your borders

i know when i'm wanted i'll leave when you ask me to

mind my own business and speak when i'm spoken to

i am the tower around which you orbited

i am not proud i am just taking orders

i fall to the groud within moments of impact

i hit back if hit

and attack if attacked

you get route 2 between concord and lexington

i want mass ave from the sqaure to my apartment

and if we should meet through some misunderstanding

ill be very sweet very patient and forgiving

(now get off my side of the state)

and if we should meet one another in passing

despite these techniques there is sometimes no avoiding

(there must be some kind of mistake)

we'll raise high our white flags and say hi and shake hands

declaring the land we're on unamerican

we'll call it even

i am the tower around which you orbited

i am not proud i am just taking orders

i fall to the groud within moments of impact

i hit back if hit

and attack if attacked

i am an accident waiting to happen

i'm laughing like mad while you strangle the captain

my place may be taken, but make no mistake

from a little black black box i can say without shame

that you've lost

do you know what you've lost?

so take whatever you'd like

i'll strike like the States on fire

you won't sleep very tight

no hiding

no safe covers

make your bed and now lie

just like you always do

you can fake it for the papers but i'm on to you....

last post about boys... i swear

MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through (watching smallville reruns.. THEY WERE SO IN LOVE) says:
do you think a boy will ever like me... for me... for real?
MiCHelle says:
lol i think one already did and i think he'll come around again mols
MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through (watching smallville reruns.. THEY WERE SO IN LOVE) says:
you are the ONLY one who thinks that
and I always wonder why you do
MiCHelle says:
because of the way he looks at you

Thursday, February 15, 2007

you must insert a title

Camille.Jewel.Lorenz says:
who really gives a flying fuck about him he always seems to
get exactly what he wants with you and he knows that

I graduate soon.
VERY soon.
I've been spending the last few months saying I wasn't ready.
Saying I didn't want to leave.
It was happening too fast and I wasn't ready for the change.
I'm sure that's part of it.
But there's so much more.
my mom died 26 months ago.
I'm graduating in 4.
She's going to miss it.
She missed me growing up.
I know she saw me take my first steps.
and learn words.
and go to school.
and get my first crush.
but she missed watching me turn into a person I'm moderately proud of.
she missed the first fight with Rachel.
she missed my first broken heart.
These are the things mom are supposed to be there for...

The things I want her here for... right now.
The things I need her for.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Swoon?

MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through says:
stop me RIGHT now
MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through says:
I'm reading old conversations with the dumb boy
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
stop.
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:

carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
stop and look how adorable i am
MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through says:
hes adorable too
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
shutup molly.
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
every time you say his name tomorrow, i will pinch you
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
for now, imagine me pinching you
MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through says:
alrighty
MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through says:
what if he walks by
MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through says:
and i say hi
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
thats allowed
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
no swooning
MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through says:
I DO NOT SWOON!
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
NO SWOONING PERMITTED
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
ill make you a sign
MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through says:
I AM NOT A SWOONER
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
are too
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
MOLLY We found out - the hype won't get you through says:
hes adorable too
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
*buzzer sound*
carlyemarie-- stained g l a s s masquerade says:
SWOON SWOON SWOON

Happy Heart Day

Number of Hugs: 6
Number of Love Letters Recieved: 2
Number of Flowers Recieved: 1
Candy Recieved: a lot of cinnamon hearts in psychology, chocolate kisses from Rachel and 1 heart lollipop from Carlye (and 1 cookie from Rhiannon)

Coolest V-day everrr.
At Mary and Jessy right now.
Bible study in 1 hr.
Talking to Taryn... she's my valentine this yeeeear.
I must admit I look pretty hot today.

Mary and I were looking at prom dresses.
It actually got me kinda excited for prom.
Now I just need a date.

I actually just love this day...
Even though I don't have a boyfriend for the biggest relationship day of the year,
I still have great friends (although I didn't get the vday chocolate bar you promised, Dan) and it's always an excuse not to work in class.

I'm glad I have bible study tonight... the boy I like will be thereee
so why wouldn't I want to be there.
Not to mention God will be there.

Happy valentines everybody!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Feel the rain on your skin

You would have made me go to sleep in my room and BEFORE 3am.
You probably would have one of those annoying switches installed that turn
off my computer so I wouldn't be on it all night. Granted,
I wouldn't have a reason to be If you were here.
I definitely would not ignore my clock every time it went off, not that I would
need it at all. I would just rely on "Mooe, wakie wakie".
Day in and day out. Everything in life could change, a natural disaster
could occur 3 blocks away and it would still be the same wake up call.
You would make me eat breakfast. No way would I get out the door without
a solid meal in my stomach. And a glass of fresh orange juice.
You'd be downstairs when I finally rolled out of bed, making a paper bag
feast. Like the ones Ben brings to school.
The bottomless lunches that everyone steals stuff
from because we all know that with that much food, he's
not going to starve.
When I came home from school, you would have been there waiting.
No matter where you worked or what the hours should be,
you would be ready and waiting at 3 o clock.
You would ask for every detail of my day, like you really cared,
not like dad. Wandering in the door at 7 and asking half heartedly while
doing 500 other things and only because he heard
you do it for 20 years with Jacob and I.
I would tell you about how Carlye is the biggest bitch in photography
but how I love her anyway. Or how I miss sleepovers at Rachel's
house because I feel like that's the most 100% real family.
I would talk about that cute boy I met and that cute boy
that I can't get over.
I'd tell you how much I missed you and how much it completely
fucked dad over.
He would get home and probably not even notice you were
there cooking dinner.
Because no offense, but life has moved on without you.
But I can still dream, can't I?

Monday, February 12, 2007

The weekend was pretty sweet, I must say.
Friday night was the talent show, and even though we wont know who wins until everyone else
in Canada submits their entries... I'm pretty sure Caitlyn is going to win.
Let's face it.
Her slam poetry is amazing.
Bradley Hathaway would be jealous... and he's the most amazing slam poet I can think of.
...besides Caitlyn.
Marc Morin, Daryl Knapp, Mike Anderson and Josh Reno did their SABSB (Salvation Army Backstreet Boys) deal. It was pretty rad.
On Saturday I worked until 9 or so, and then I was so tired, my feet were killing me, and I pretty much wanted to die... but at 11:30 Caitlyn invited me over, so I walked there and we watched Narnia... cause I love her that much.
We slept thru the first bit of church, then hurried over there (there being across town... because we live at the opposite end of nanaimo from the church)
and afterwards we had that vision 2007 thing.
Then Shawn drove me to Mrs.Bourke's and the jobies and I made cards for v-day, thanksgiving, pretty much any holiday you can think of.
I hung around with Debralyn, and mailed in my poetry and speech arts entries for grand sessions.
Sunday night I went to the Dangerous Meeting... which consisted of spending 'quality time' with Shawn while Mike, Daryl, and Charis practiced, (crazy band members) buying candy from the co-op with Camille, and being bench pressed by Mike ("just to see if he can")

Watched One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest today in Psych.

That movie is messed and I am so beat.

Goooodnight.

Silence

What’s happening here?
I was once so alive and now I’m so full of dread and almost dead
Show me your wounded head that is lead to communion with the father
But where did he go?
His presence seems farther and farther away each day
but I’m trying so hard to steer his way
Yet still lonely and confused on this cold hard ground I lay

Speak to me wise mouth and say “it’s all good kid, it’s nothing that you did, and though it feels like I’m not here with you right now just be still and silent and listen for that sound..
Shhh..
Did you hear it?
Listen again.
Did you hear it?
That silent voice that just spoke nothing, that is me, I’m listening to your plea with open ears Counting all your tears flowing from your irritated eyes
Searching the skies looking for that hope that beyond there lies.

Oh you young worrisome sparrow, find rest
Lay your battered head upon my omnipresent breast and make it your nest
No strong cold wind could ever blow and carry you from this your home
Look around, see the life shooting up from the ground
Spring colors springing fourth and celebration of your trusting

It’s a constant process this is
Growing you into the person you are to become
But when you sense the setting of the sun know it is only rising and has just begun
Now go fourth, sing songs of faith, and lift up others in the midst of this race
And if you can’t keep the pace or lose sight of my face
Know that I’m always near so you need not fear
But don’t worry about all that right now
Just sit here and enjoy the peace I offer in my silence
When I am silent I am listening, and not abandoning. "

Bradley Hathaway