I found three old poems that I had forgotten even existed.
I'm pretty proud of the passion my writing had back then (around March-ish)
and I kind of wish I could just find that again.
-So your legs tremble. You’ve found a conductor A leaning post that wont talk back. A electric jolt that surges through you tingles to your toes but doesn’t stop there. -And so your lungs burn. With every unsaid word and every raw, uncut prayer. So very coarse and unprocessed are the murmurs so oafish and perfect in all their simplicity; in all their mayhem -And so your companions scatter. Followers gather and devotions brace. And you’re searching for a stronghold you’re seething from the inside from the inside outward into the fire of a false soul. -Yeah, so you’re scared. Your everything burns with expectation and doubt for what is and isn’t and will never be. Well it’s more than all of that, sweetheart. Stop running away and start charging head on and don’t stop there. -Okay, so you’re doubting yourself. All you’re really doing is doubting him and denying everything you’ve been taught. Who is it really hurting you could just jump out or quit or quit monopolizing the simple stuff. So here’s the thing. You’re not fooling anyone- yeah, it’s horrendously terrifying. Yet you know it’s so painfully wonderful wonderful and grueling and yet isn’t that the point nothing easy is ever worth it.--------------------------------------------------
You’re a glass eye, glazed
staring, sneering, peering at me
with a cold, dark wonderment.
and I am bewildered, I am held back.
I am aching to pull towards you
an imperceptible force draws me into your territory.
I am beaten, I am battered and I am choosing to be this way.
I have been given the chance to pull away, to set apart.
But I don’t. I hold on and I hold out.
I connive and I am not victimized.
I pursue and I plead, for your guise to be ridden with flaws.
A pretext, an excuse to turn away from you.
I bawl and I bellow and I ask in vain why I find you worth it.
Why are you the one I feel the necessity to catch a glimpse of?
Why can’t I perceive or dream of anything besides your face?
Why do you have this unrelenting and unyielding hold on me?
And last of all, why are neither of us willing to let go.
------------------------------------------
No, I never did say it was worth it.
I said a lot of things; that I needed you, that you were my other half.
No, we never did say it would last forever.
We hooked pinkies and promised it was for life.
Okay, so I admit it, there was always that sneaking suspicion,
that either you or I would find something better. Something worth it.
No, we never did truly thank each other.
For the hours of condolences through a telephone wire.
And no, we never did actually apologize.
For the tear stains left on the shoulders of sweaters.
But you know what the things is about stuff like that?
I don’t think you have to.
You shouldn’t have to.
You don’t want to.
The distinction between forever and two months is insignificant.
So you leave it unspoken.
And yeah, maybe it ends.
But that just means it was real.
