Consuming fire

So, yesterday I received a bunch of facebook messages from numerous people in X{LR}:8.
Prayers, requests for prayer, general information... and the hard truth. We don't talk. We promised that we'd talk and keep eachother updated so we could help eachother through life. We spent an entire weekend learning that we could and SHOULD rely on eachother to hold us up and hold us accountable, but that weekend is in the past, and it's like those rules only applied then, or at SYC. At youth group, when Shawn made us think back to a moment we were truly happy, told us to think back on the sights anf the smells. There was one obvious one, the one with my mom on her last "healthy" Christmas, when everything smelt like cinnamon and pine needles and love, but another one kept trying relentlessly to nudge itself into my mind. It was at X{LR}:8, it was pouring ran and Vangi and I had just run through the storm to the warmth of Gooding Hall. We were soaking wet and laughing and we started riffling through the music that had been left out from Worship early that morning. Together we sat there holding hands singing "Consuming Fire" over and over and over again. Nothing else mattered in that moment but the words escaping our mouths and the spirit inflating our hearts. All I can remember from that moment was pure joy. I wasn't thinking of my mom or my dad or loneliness or feelings of inadequacy, it didn't even matter that I'm not very good singer. All that mattered was that moment. Of course, that was probably tied with screaming worship while wading in the ocean during a thunderstorm and spiritual warfare with Vangi and Joanna.
So I guess if it was to choose a time to freeze in and not go forward with my life, (even though the whole point of the bible study was AGAINST doing that) that didn't involve resurrecting someone, it'd be that weekend.


There must be more than this
oh breath of God come breath within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for you
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming Fire
Fan into flame
a passion for your name
Spirit of God
fall in this place
Lord have ur way
Lord have ur way
with us

Come like a rushing wind
Fill us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
leave us abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall
Lord let your glory fall

I'm awake in the infinite cold but you sing to me over and over again

Sometimes I wonder if you're looking down on me.
If you see how I've grown, what I've learned and the stupid, stupid mistakes I've made.
Sometimes I convince myself that it's just a dream... a long, painful, pitiful dream, but I never wake up. Sometimes I can't believe it happened. That it's all still happening. It's never going to stop, is it? I'm going to keep living out your death. Everything that happened and has happened since and will happen in the future is a continuation of your untimely end. Sometimes I wish people understood, that they could FEEL how bizarre this entire thing is.
It's like for your entire life, for fifteen years, you're one person, and you know that person, you've master being that person, living that life, sometimes you even LIKED that person, and then one day it all changes and there's no going back. Sometimes I wonder if I could have done something differently. I wasn't just a kid, I think that was my favourite excuse at the time; it wasn't happening, that doesn't happen to me, it happens to other people... I'm only a kid.
But I could have told you to go to the doctor, I could have nursed you back to health, I could have at the very LEAST, held your hand in the hospital. Instead, I stayed home curled up in a ball under my covers and waited for it to end. I prayed for it to end.
It ended, you ended. My life as I knew it ended. Be careful what you wish for.
It's not that my life now is so painfully unbearable, it isn't. I'm lucky for what I have and what I've learn and for my stupid, stupid mistakes... but that doesn't mean I can't miss you sometimes. It doesn't mean I can't squeeze my eyes shut tight and pretend you're still here... for at least a little while.
Vangi told me that she knows you'd be proud of me, and that you loved me and still love me. I know that, I KNOW I was your little girl and I know that Jacob and I were your entire world, but the more I think about how much you loved me, the more I ache for that love. I yearn for you to physically be sitting beside me and hugging me. To hold my hand and hold me when I cry.
I miss you so much Mom.
But I'm not going to think of the rest of my life as living out your death, but maybe a continuation of your life.
I'll try to make you proud Mommy.
I'll try to stay your little girl.

When we're still holding on to how things were, our arms aren't free to embrace today"

I find it a major miracle that he bible study topics are always things that relate to what I am dealing with the day before. It's so profound and such a blessing.
Tonight we talked about living for today. How you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and by living in the past, you can't move forward and accomplish a thing. After we watched the video Shawn made us close our eyes and envision the time when we were happiest.
Immediately, I thought back to that Christmas I was thinking about yesterday, the year before we found out my mom was sick. It was in the big house on Allsbrook, and everyone was there. Oma and Opa came with Aunty Carol and Chelsea, Helen (my mom's best friend at the time), Sam (the husband) and their daughters Alice and Joanne (MY best friends back then) were there... everything was perfect. There was christmas music blasting for days, the house always smelt like eggnog and cinnamon and at night I'd fall asleep to our crackling fireplace.
That's what I've been holding onto; the memories of my mom, and how I can't go back.
I guess in a way, it's easier than it would be for most. I can't hold onto the past, I can't stay there and attempt to stop it from changing, because I can't. My mom's death forced me to move past it. What I'm worried about is how my life is going to start changing dramatically very soon. Michelle is starting nursing, Mike and Tyler are going away to school, Carlye is moving to Langley... and I'm heading off to start my life God knows where... I do have the opportunity to stay, to try and freeze time and keep everything the way it is. To become a static representation of myself and not accomplish anything at all, but be safe.
With my mom, I had no choice but to move on and grow, now I have a choice... I just hope I make the right one.

Sing me something soft, sad and delicate, or loud and out of key... sing me anything

So in no time it'll be Christmas again.
That holiday always seems to sneak up on me. When I least expect it, it's just right in front of me and I have to deal with it. It's been almost 3 years now; well, 3 years on December 10th.
Part of me is angry at, well, myself... for not being over it. I don't want to be a downer or anything, but it seems like every year my mood starts taking a nosedive around this time.
The other part of me is guilty for trying to forget. If I try to move past these feelings, does it mean I'm forgetting my mom? I know that everyone will argue that it's not the same thing and they'll use those cliche lines about her always being in my heart and being happy that I'm moving on. Now that's all well and good, but it's not that easy. My mom was this amazing ray of sunshine in everyone's lives, and I want to be that for everyone as well; I want to throw big christmas parties, and wear jingling earrings and play christmas music from november through til april... but what if that means I'm not moving on? If I'm trying to be her? What if I'm nothing like her at all? What if all we share are matching smiles and vertical-impairment? I mean, I don't have her gorgeous singing voice, I don't have her tenderness, I don't have the same thirst for life that she always seemed to be overflowing with.
It seems so backwards that 4 christmas' ago she was overflowing with life and now she's... not.

Gardenstate

You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? ... that idea of home is gone ... Maybe that's all family really is; a group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

All the words you said to me that day, I could not explain

Hmm, so my life feels like it's balancing out.
I have a steady schedule at work now; I work Mon- Fri and get weekends off.
I'm pretty excited about that, and I get to go visit Caitlyn (hopefully!) next weekend with Michelle.
We're both very stoked to see Cait again; it's been too long.
Deanna sent us all a giant letter from Scotland and it was really neat. I miss that girl a lot, but I'm pretty excited for her homecoming in June.
Tonight was pretty extraordinary, and it was really great to catch up with Carlye again. Although she was only gone (physically) for 5 days, it's like she's been away for awhile now... or maybe we just weren't making an attempt to find her. We caught eachother up on our weekends and what we've been feeling lately. It was sad to realize that despite being best friends and only living 10 minutes apart, we didn't really know what had been going on the past few weeks.
We watched the Nooma video "Lump" and I don't have much to say on it. I don't mean that in a negative way, just that the message was simple and direct. I am loved no matter what.
Somehow I feel, though, that people use that as a security blanket. Yeah, it makes those warm fuzzy feelings in our hearts, but is that really all it should mean to us?
"Aww, I'm loved. That's neat. I feel good now. Life is peachy."
That just seems a tad naive to me.
But maybe that's just an issue I need to deal with.

Prayer

"Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make them well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective"
James 5:13-16

This is how we'll dance when, when they try to take us down

So I figured this song (Let The Flames Begin) was a good blogging song.
So in the past 24 hours or so, I've learned, or re-learned, really... a lot about myself.
I was having an intense conversation with Clint Houlbrook about how everyone has a talent but sometimes I'm just a TEEEENSY bit jealous of other people's talents. That started a whirlwind of scripture verses and "didn't you listen at ALL during the weekend at X{LR}:8?"'s.
(Which, in case you were wondering, cemented my belief that Clint is pretty much the coolest man alive.) It's not so much that I WANT someone else's gifts or abilities, but moreso that I wish mine were more... usable. I mean, I LOOOVE to write, and I realize that I'm fairly decent at it, but how do I use it to help others worship. It's not that I don't know HOW (Clint also gave me a list 10 pages long of ways I could) but I kind of lack the platform on which to do that.
It was around the time THAT conversation was winding down that Clint decided that he wanted to post my writing on Send The Fire. In fact, he's interested in me writing a monthly article/poem/etc for the site, based around the fruits of the spirit. It will be paired up with a photograph illustrating the same topic, and a video of the like as well as a song that the more musically inclined youth of Canada can put together (Vangi and Mike seem pretty open to that bit). After THAT I got a message from Jasmine, a girl in my X{LR}:8 session, asking me if I wanted to write an article for The Salvationist (A Salvo magazine thing) about love.
Some time after that, I decided on Columbia as my college of choice for September (if I can get in, that is) not only because of the fabulous courses that seem to match my interests perfectly, but their fantastic journalism program and acting group.
After THAAAAAT I learned from Vangi that Columbia is her school of choice too!
(I did in fact know she was considering it, but it's cool to think we'll be going to the same school someday... I mean, SHE still has to finish highschool).
So on top of it being a very action packed day, I re-learned quite a bit about myself. I say re-learned because not too long ago I knew that writing was my passion. It wasn't JUST a hobbie, it was my life.
For many years, I had my life mapped out. Get straight A's, go to Princeton, become a screenwriter. The thing is, when God come into the picture, everything changes.
I don't mean it in a negative way at all... I love my life and what God has done with it. I wouldn't change anything about my life or the way it has panned out. Yeah, my mom dying wasn't amazing, and my dad trying to kill himself wasn't an awesome experience either... but both events have helped me grow and learn a lot about life... now that I have life figured out, I just have to decide how I fit into it.

Peace

I guess as the months and the years wear on
And that pretentious grandfather clock in the den chimes gallantly
I'm expected to feel some sort of peace.
I'm supposed to lift up my hands and declare that I am a better person and call out "I am gratified and I have grown through my pain and near demise!"
So I guess it helped in a way
It really added spice to the whole growing up pseudo-after-school-special-my-life-is-invigorated-by-this-one-of-a-kind
-life-lesson thing

But the funny thing about growing up is,
it happens.
You can jet off to Antigua for God knows how long and it happens.
I would still grow and learn and screw up
-save deaths, rebirths, financial devastations and step-on-the-crack-break-your-mother's-whatever detonations.

So thank you for the gratification,
but I know and you know and that girl from my grade 10 science class knows that is is displaced.
Because despite all the tears and tears
and sordid pity hugs
I would have grown up and grow out.
Out of devastation, out of despair and out of her arms.

Molly Woodford

Michelle says:
i think i'll go tanning again tomorrow
Molhala They prey as wolves among the sheep and slit the necks of soldiers while they sleep says:
how long until you're black?
Michelle says:
lol
Michelle says:
who knows
Michelle says:
i have tanlines just from today
Molhala They prey as wolves among the sheep and slit the necks of soldiers while they sleep says:
i need dates, latour. I want an african american best friend.
Michelle says:
lol

Unwinding Cable Car

Emotive unstable, you're like an unwinding cable car
Listening for voices, but it's the choices that make us who we are
Go your own way, even seasons have changed just burn those new leaves over
So self-absorbed you've seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about

This is the correlation of salvation and love
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in

Backing away from the problem of pain; you never had a home
You've been misguided, you're hiding in shadows for so very long
Don't you believe that you've been deceived that you're no better than...
The hair in your eyes; it never disguised what you're really thinking of

This is the correlation of salvation and love
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in

You're so brilliant, don't soon forget
You're so brilliant, grace marked your heart
You're so brilliant, don't soon forget
You're so brilliant, grace marked your heart

You're so brilliant
Grace marked your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in
and out of the dark

Close your eyes and make believe, this is where you want to be

So I'm pretty much waiting with baited breath for the rest of this week. It looks pretty exciting. Tomorrow I get to laze around all day, and they can't even call me in like they did today (and ruined my LAZY), because I get tuesdays off!
Then there's bible study, which makes me stoked on life, obvs.
Wednesday I'm babysitting Katie for the morning and being lazy the REST of the day (unless I get called into work, of course) and Thursday I get an 8 hour CLOSING shift. Oh my life.
I LOVE taking buses at 10pm :)
Friday is picture scavenger hunt, which is exciting (gag) and then it's the weekend.
How time flies when you actually have a life.

I just spent the last 9 million hors talking to Veronica and Chris about, well, everything.
I haven't laughed that hard in SO long and it was amazing. We laughed til we cried and relived hundreds of memories dating back to grade 6 (More V and I than Chris... he just got confused.)
It was a lot of fun, and for a bit, really momentous.

Molhala Deep inside we both know it, everything's hanging on this moment says:
does anyone else find it kind of unreal that the three of us are talking right now?
Veronica says:
yeah
Molhala Deep inside we both know it, everything's hanging on this moment says:
I kind of feel like I'm in grade 10 again
Veronica says:
i know
Molhala Deep inside we both know it, everything's hanging on this moment says:
is this a good bizarre, or a bad bizarre?
.:Chris:. -||- .Si vis pacem, para bellum. -||- says:
I'm surprised V is talking to me :P
Veronica says:
its good.
Veronica says:
very good!! (L)


The truth is, Chris has been friends with BOTH Veronica and I this whole time, but this week is pretty much the first time we've REALLY talked in 3 years. As much s my life has kind of moved on and I'm happy here and I've moved past all of the stuff that went on in grade 10, the fact of the matter is, I moved because of V. I actually switched to a school 2 towns away because of her. I actually couldn't be in the same town if we weren't friends. I guess it was a pretty big deal.
So yeah, us being good friends again? It's really, really... cool.

She's a question without answers

So when I was growing up and I'd be in a bad mood or flustered, my mom would tell me to go scream into a pillow. I'd rarely do it, because at the time she told me, I was cynical and angry and doing the opposite of whatever she said. So today I was stressed and aching and the sorrow in my heart was rising again. I heard a little voice whisper "Couldn't hurt to try, Mols"
so I took a deep breath, sent myself to a secluded spot in the house and screamed all of my anguish and hurt... into a pillow.
I got less tense, my problems seemed really infantile, and I went on with my day... just like that.
Funny how, 3 years after her death, my mom is still teaching me some pretty big lessons.

Everything I think about, makes me feel like a version of myself

So I've had a couple friendships where I stop talking to someone for awhile, but when we talk again, suddenly we're on the same wavelength as before. I used to assume that it was a sign that we're such good friends nothing could tear us apart. But that's not it. It's almost as if people grow together, and as much as you change, whatever connection you once shared never fully goes away. I reconnected with an old friend earlier this week... we were incredibly close at one point in my life; best friends... but a lot happened that changed it. It's funny, really, I can remember when it ended and my dad told me that he was sure we'd be friends again one day, and I told him that it would NEVER happen, that we were sworn enemies for life. At the time it was the biggest deal because it's all I knew of my world. I ended up switching schools directly after that, mostly because of this one friend. But now, none of that seems to matter. Now, I know I suck at holding grudges, but when I search my memory for the main reasons we stopped talking, they really seem ridiculous. I mean, I was 15 and my mom was dead and nothing really made sense.
Back to the friendship thing though, it's almost like we're conditioned to have certain reactions when we see certain people... or act a certain way. I mean, I know for a FACT that I am nowhere near the person I was in grade 10, and she's convinced she isn't either... and yet when we talk it's like nothing's changed.
I think we're conditioned to do or think a lot of things. Like the smell of brownies cooking reminds me of the house I had on Hickey Ave, and the smell of Antibacterial soap reminds me of my moms hospital room, and snow reminds me of my brother and I cross country skiing when I was 6.
Or whenever I peel a mandarin orange, I always feel sad if the peel breaks into 2 or more pieces, because I've been conditioned to believe that's horrible, just from growing up with the "first orange you eat, if the peel comes off in one piece, you get a wish" thing.
I know that everything that has ever been said or done to me has influenced who I am, and I'm okay with that. My mom dying tweaked me a little one way, and my experiences with my dad molded me another. However, as much as those events shaped who I am, I am not those events. I don't want to be defined by my experiences. People do it a lot, not in a negative way, but by describing me as 'strong' because of my mom's death. I do it too, I've learned. Eventually, it just becomes a comfortable habit. It's a lot easier to be those things that figure out who I really am. The truth is, her death didn't make me strong, it made me very very weak. Dealing with that made me strong. Having to react to everything that resulted from her death gave me strength. My mom's death is not me. I am not motherless, I am not fatherless. I am Molly. I am friendly and warm and I have an amazing sense of humor. I am a good friend and I am an evangelist. I am energetic and some times kind of cruel. I am fast to speak and slow to anger. I am good at lifting people up, and sadly, pretty talented at putting them down (though I try not to do that purposely).
But I am not death, I am not despair. I am not tragic or broken.
I am growing and learning and glowing.
Or if I'm not, at least I'm trying.

I'm finding it hard just to be with you

Hmm, well..
I've been semi-sleeping for about 45 minutes, but when that failed, I decided to write something, with the half-hope that someone wakes up so that I have someone to talk to.
Wow. I'm selfish.
Tonight I keep having flashbacks to my conversation with Caitlyn, about how I wished I had gotten to know my mom better and how there are huge gaps in my life's story that only she could provide me the answers to. I sometimes envy my friends because of the conversations they have with their moms about them growing up, or their mom's own life experiences. There's no other way I can get some of that information, and it pains me. I was talking to Michelle tonight about how I'm over my mom's death. And I am... it's the fact that she's not alive that I still have trouble with.

Love is all you have, but you don't have a clue what it's costing you

Okay, so today is one of those times that I felt like I should post a blog, but have no idea what to say. And saying the first thing that pops into my head normally gets me into trouble.
Wish me luck!
Okay, so I was talking to Pearlanne the other night, and that's always amazing because... well... Pearlanne Gray is amazing.
She was talking about this guy Mechizedek, who is mentioned in the bible, as well as a God people had named Zedek. Talking to her about it made me have a real thirst for knowledge. Just general bible knowledge. I really wish there was a bible study for that because Pearlanne and I both noted that we had exhausted our resources and the next step was to ask the Majors. Now, I love Shawn's bible study, and what we're learning. All about what we really mean to God, and those movies are great and everything and I am learning a lot... but when was the last time I discussed the actual Bible with someone? I mean, besides Pearlanne. Probably not since Caitlyn was here, and that was only a few times, and that was probably my own fault. I mean, Cait had tons of knowledge and I should have taken advantage of it... but oh well.
So now I'm kind of... stuck.
And I know, I know, I CAN read my bible alone, but I enjoy the discussion. I like discussing eternity, I like discussing who these people were, how they lived, and how we relate to eachother.
I'm *this* close to starting a bible study just for that. But I guess Shawn has to approve it or something back in August.
Lame.

Kay, that's all. Time for Mike's football game.
GRACE

And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me

So my Halloween was pretty enjoyable. Spent some time over at Michelle's where we watched our fav movie (yay best friends!) and ate the best chicken club pizza in the world.
Timmy was fully being a tool, but what else is new.
I just love all of my friends so much. Everyday I feel so blessed to have every single one of them in my life, even though I may not make it clear. I thank Ben a lot for existing, and I'm pretty sure I tell 'Chelle she's amazing each and every day, but what would I do without them?
Seriously, I spend pretty much every night with Michelle and Mike just driving around in her car. And Carlye has been around for me for the past 2 years like you wouldn't believe. Even though Caitlyn's gone... well, come on, I live in her flippin' house! Vangi is amazing and it breaks my heart that I don't see her as much as I should. Tyler is just there whenever anyone needs him and he can put a smile on my face in a heartbeat. There are just so many people that I honestly owe my life to. Michelle and I were talking in the car tonight about how it's not going to be like this forever. Eventually, (sooner, rather than later) she's going to be in nursing school, Mike's going to be some football star at some ivy league college, Tyler's going to be off at Booth changing the world... and there will be no late night hang out sessions, or 16 person sleepovers at my house. There wont be anymore weekends of the boys hopped up on '5 hour energy' singing at the top of their lungs in my room, or nights at the beach in Michelle's car. And I'm not going to lie, it scares me. It scares me to death. We're all going to be going our own ways soon, and I can't imagine a life without these people. Like Michelle said, we're expected to all be married (to each other, if the congregation has it their way) with children in a few years... and we can't really fit in nights at the beach then.
In other news, I'm really struggling with my past. I fear it so much, and it has me near paranoia. It's as if I believe it's going to come up to get me. I have a new and better life now, new and better friends, I have God (well, I always had Him, I just didn't know it), my church, the entire congregation... and yet, it all comes back to what everyone from 3 years ago thinks of me. Do they see that I'm happy, I'm healthy? Do they see the hundreds of amazing friends I have?
The strange thing is... opinions don't matter to me much. I have full belief that the only opinion that matters is God's. I don't pay much thought to what people think of me now. I demand respect from the kids in youth group, and I pray that they see me as a leader, and I always hope that people see who I am, and that I don't hide behind a mask, like I used to... but if someone doesn't like the person I am, than I don't pay much heed. However, I guess the little 15 year old inside of me cares. So can everyone pray over that right now? I want to let it go... I want to five it up. I honestly cannot grow if I'm not at peace, and if ALL of me is not willing to grow with me.
Well, I work in the morning... so, Grace.

ps. Seriously though, my friends are so rad.

Hold on

So I found that semi-lame Jet song I used to listen to a lot before and after my mom died.
I've always had this small feeling that my testimony is somewhat false, because I talk about why I felt the way I did, like I was wearing a mask, but I didn't know that at the time, so how do I know that's not just my perception of it now, but it could have just been who I was then?
Then I heard this song, and remembered why I liked it. Because the lyrics just seemed to make sense to me. I don't know, it was just a really strange revelation for me.
Maybe the me now knows the me then better than I thought I did.

You tried so hard to be someone
That you forgot who you are
You tried to fill some emptiness
‘Til all you had spilled over
Now everything is so far away
That you don’t know where you are, you are

When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

When it’s hard to be yourself
It’s not to be someone else
Still everything is so far away
That you forget where you are, you are

When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to

Hold on

When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

I've lost myself for good within Your promise, and I won't hide it... I won't hide it

So tonight bible study was pretty great.
In fact, as a whole, my day was pretty great.
I'm still nervous at work for the most part, and although I had a really amazing time until the last 2 hours, I ended my shift feeling really disheartened and inadequate. I stood there, close to tears, and prayed to God for some sense of accomplishment... anything. Then, as I was walking out the door, Nicole stopped me and told me that I'd done a really good job today, and she was sorry for placing me in the situation that she did at the end of the day when I hadn't been trained on it yet and it was completely her fault, not mine, and that I did terrific.
Wild truth was pretty great, too. Tyler and I totally ad-libbed the entire thing, and rocked at it, if I do say so myself... although I'm pretty sure that was more Tyler than me. He's pretty much incredible or something.
We watched another Nooma video today, and I've decided that Rob Bell is a spectacular person.
Everything he says just seems so raw, but so perfect; exactly what we needed to hear.
He talked about rainstorms in our life... how we cry out for God and that's when he comes to help us. He used the analogy of his baby son crying when they were out in the rain. His sons only reality was the rain right then, and he couldn't understand anything beyond that. Like when our life is going through trouble and we are burdened, that's when we don't feel God, even though that's when he's there for us the most. And he took his son and wrapped him in his arms the whole way home through the rain and whispered "I love you buddy, Dad is going to get you home, it's going to be okay" over and over again.
and that we should know that when we are in pain that God loves us and he knows how to get us home and it's going to be okay.
Since our bible study started watching these videos, I've been interested in Rob Bell.
This quote is from his book Velvet Elvis, and it's amazing... obviously.
Will creation always be like this? Fractured? Chaotic? This has been the question for thousands of years. And central to the Jewish world of Jesus was the belief that God not only hadn’t given up on creation but was also actively at work within it, bringing it back to how he originally intended it to be. The prophets had a way of talking about this restoration movement of God’s. They spoke of God reclaiming the earth and restoring the world. They did not talk about people going somewhere else at the end of time. They talked about God coming here at the end of time.
Notice what Jesus says about the end of the world in Matthew. “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne…”
Jesus uses an important word here: renewal.
Jesus describes his return as rebirth, a regeneration, a renewal.
Remember, when God made the world, he called it good. Why would God destroy something he thinks is good?

….In Jesus, God is putting it all back together.

Of course, I must make it clear that I am not idolizing this man in any way. I do fully comprehend that these amazing words are not his, but God's. But the mouth out of which they flow is a blessing, not only to me, but to everyone who hears them. Okay... that's all.

PJ Parties

Michelle says:
omgosh
Michelle says:
me and mike hang out every night already whats gonna happen when he gives up tv?
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
he'll just sleep over
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
you guys can have PJ parties
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
and eat popcorn
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
and talk about boyssss
Michelle says:
haha
Michelle says:
shut up mols :P
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
and read girly mags
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
and watch tear jerkers
Michelle says:
lol shut up mols
Michelle says:
seriously
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
and tell secretssss
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
and play MASH
Michelle says:
lol
Michelle says:
MOLLY
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
As long as you guys still hang out with me
Michelle says:
lol
Molly סלה I am all that you love, but just like the daughters of Eve, you like bitter fruit from forbidden trees says:
because outside of hanging out with you and mike, my life has very little texture

We beg, we pray, but everything still happens anyway

So, this weekend I went to my first high school party.
Well, no... I went to a couple in grade nine and stuff, but nothing too severe.
I always felt a little inadequate for missing that part of high school. I mean, I'm content with my life, but there was always a piece of me that wondered.
Well, now I know. And I'm glad I never went that path.
I went there with Tiffany, Allyson and Katelyn (Katelyn was dead set upon going, and we've learned not to argue with her) and we stayed for 45 minutes, tops. We just kind of stood there observing. I'm not saying it didn't look like it could have been fun if that was the type of person I was, but I'm not.... and I'm glad. Like I said, I'm happy with my life, and I'd be pretty heartbroken if I was anyone but who I am. So my feelings lately about being inadequate to everyone around me, and replacable... They're slowly being pushed out, because although I'm not perfect, I'm not the only one... in a way, everyone is a lot like me regarding the "greener grass" issue... but the truth is, it's just... isn't.
Greener, I mean.