All the words you said to me that day, I could not explain

Hmm, so my life feels like it's balancing out.
I have a steady schedule at work now; I work Mon- Fri and get weekends off.
I'm pretty excited about that, and I get to go visit Caitlyn (hopefully!) next weekend with Michelle.
We're both very stoked to see Cait again; it's been too long.
Deanna sent us all a giant letter from Scotland and it was really neat. I miss that girl a lot, but I'm pretty excited for her homecoming in June.
Tonight was pretty extraordinary, and it was really great to catch up with Carlye again. Although she was only gone (physically) for 5 days, it's like she's been away for awhile now... or maybe we just weren't making an attempt to find her. We caught eachother up on our weekends and what we've been feeling lately. It was sad to realize that despite being best friends and only living 10 minutes apart, we didn't really know what had been going on the past few weeks.
We watched the Nooma video "Lump" and I don't have much to say on it. I don't mean that in a negative way, just that the message was simple and direct. I am loved no matter what.
Somehow I feel, though, that people use that as a security blanket. Yeah, it makes those warm fuzzy feelings in our hearts, but is that really all it should mean to us?
"Aww, I'm loved. That's neat. I feel good now. Life is peachy."
That just seems a tad naive to me.
But maybe that's just an issue I need to deal with.

Prayer

"Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make them well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective"
James 5:13-16

This is how we'll dance when, when they try to take us down

So I figured this song (Let The Flames Begin) was a good blogging song.
So in the past 24 hours or so, I've learned, or re-learned, really... a lot about myself.
I was having an intense conversation with Clint Houlbrook about how everyone has a talent but sometimes I'm just a TEEEENSY bit jealous of other people's talents. That started a whirlwind of scripture verses and "didn't you listen at ALL during the weekend at X{LR}:8?"'s.
(Which, in case you were wondering, cemented my belief that Clint is pretty much the coolest man alive.) It's not so much that I WANT someone else's gifts or abilities, but moreso that I wish mine were more... usable. I mean, I LOOOVE to write, and I realize that I'm fairly decent at it, but how do I use it to help others worship. It's not that I don't know HOW (Clint also gave me a list 10 pages long of ways I could) but I kind of lack the platform on which to do that.
It was around the time THAT conversation was winding down that Clint decided that he wanted to post my writing on Send The Fire. In fact, he's interested in me writing a monthly article/poem/etc for the site, based around the fruits of the spirit. It will be paired up with a photograph illustrating the same topic, and a video of the like as well as a song that the more musically inclined youth of Canada can put together (Vangi and Mike seem pretty open to that bit). After THAT I got a message from Jasmine, a girl in my X{LR}:8 session, asking me if I wanted to write an article for The Salvationist (A Salvo magazine thing) about love.
Some time after that, I decided on Columbia as my college of choice for September (if I can get in, that is) not only because of the fabulous courses that seem to match my interests perfectly, but their fantastic journalism program and acting group.
After THAAAAAT I learned from Vangi that Columbia is her school of choice too!
(I did in fact know she was considering it, but it's cool to think we'll be going to the same school someday... I mean, SHE still has to finish highschool).
So on top of it being a very action packed day, I re-learned quite a bit about myself. I say re-learned because not too long ago I knew that writing was my passion. It wasn't JUST a hobbie, it was my life.
For many years, I had my life mapped out. Get straight A's, go to Princeton, become a screenwriter. The thing is, when God come into the picture, everything changes.
I don't mean it in a negative way at all... I love my life and what God has done with it. I wouldn't change anything about my life or the way it has panned out. Yeah, my mom dying wasn't amazing, and my dad trying to kill himself wasn't an awesome experience either... but both events have helped me grow and learn a lot about life... now that I have life figured out, I just have to decide how I fit into it.

Peace

I guess as the months and the years wear on
And that pretentious grandfather clock in the den chimes gallantly
I'm expected to feel some sort of peace.
I'm supposed to lift up my hands and declare that I am a better person and call out "I am gratified and I have grown through my pain and near demise!"
So I guess it helped in a way
It really added spice to the whole growing up pseudo-after-school-special-my-life-is-invigorated-by-this-one-of-a-kind
-life-lesson thing

But the funny thing about growing up is,
it happens.
You can jet off to Antigua for God knows how long and it happens.
I would still grow and learn and screw up
-save deaths, rebirths, financial devastations and step-on-the-crack-break-your-mother's-whatever detonations.

So thank you for the gratification,
but I know and you know and that girl from my grade 10 science class knows that is is displaced.
Because despite all the tears and tears
and sordid pity hugs
I would have grown up and grow out.
Out of devastation, out of despair and out of her arms.

Molly Woodford