There are times lately when I feel hopelessly alone. I know full well that I am not alone; my life is overflowing with people who love me, but in all honesty, I feel a disconnect from them all a lot of the time. I feel like I'm stuck in this limbo between a frivolous adolescent and a full-fledged adult. I bounce around the people who don't consider me quite at their level, or perhaps it's the other way around. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I'm lacking a significant other person in my life, not romantically, but definitely relationally. I don't really have a best friend, not like I've always had in the past. In Nanaimo, I always had Michelle, or Caitlyn and they blessed me in unfathomable ways. When I first moved to Vernon, there were people who became a huge part of my life, and I relied on them a great deal to fill the gaps left by those I had left behind. After we parted ways a bit, in every way we needed to, the disconnect between myself and everyone who remained began to grow. I didn't mean for this to become a list of all the people who I have left or who have left me, because all those people remain as significant parts of my life, but none in the ways they once were. I have some extremely incredible people in my life nowadays, all of whom I truly love, and I don't want them, or anyone else, to think I feel anything but complete appreciation, but it's been months since I've felt like there's been someone to fill my needs socially, spiritually and.... I don't know. Maybe that isn't something I should rely on. Maybe now is a time in my life when I should try to identify myself separately from everyone else. Maybe this means I should look to God as the one to fill any and every need. Knowing that this is absolutely the case doesn't make this any easier. I feel alone.
