The truth is so undeniable

Found this blog posting from May 2nd, 2 years ago.
I was pretty intense for a 16 year old.


I was thinking today.
I was thinking about special feelings; good and bad.
The kind of feeling you get once in a blue moon.. or the bad feeling that you get, sometimes too often.
Like when you make a new bestfriend; you know, the time you realize while talking/laughing with/crying to, a close friend, that "wow they're my best friend."
But what about those other times... the special times, the rare and beautiful friendships. When you meet someone and you know, they're going to be my friend forever.
I remember feeling that, knowing that, when I met Rachel.
Well, no.
When I first met Rachel, we hated eachother.
But when we first realized how amazing we found the other to be... our first little inside jokes (HE DECLARED) how excited we were when we'd see eachother each month.. those feelings.
I just... knew.

There's always the not so good feelings.
Like that time when you realize that your friendship with someone is changing.
Or that time when you discover you don't love a boyfriend or girlfriend anymore.. not like you used to.
The sudden, unwanted changes of heart.
And then there's the only ones worse...
the times when you see it coming.
When you know.... this is changing...
when you know there's nothing you can do.
When your heart sinks and your stomach turns... and you just have to get on with life.

That's happened to me a few time in life.
I'm grateful that it hasn't happened more.
Whether it's a friend, or something more...
it's never easy.
But be thankful for those other special moments.
Special friends, true loves, grade 3 crushes, second chances.
Be mindful too, of the pain.
Lost friends, broken hearts, unfair disadvantages.

Live your life...
but never forget the little things.

I hear You calling me; You want to set me free with Your love

Sometimes I wonder why I'm such a terrible hypocrite.
I mean, I just spent the past 3 hours talking to my friend about how he can't believe the lies spoken over him. That he is good and kind and has never been anything short of wonderful to me. It breaks my heart to know that he doesn't see that. All he feels is his brokenness, and all he sees are his failures. I put my heart into trying to show him the truth, and to be stronger than the lies.
And yet, I cannot rise up against my own.
I worry that I'll always be the wounded little girl who's mother died and who's father didn't know how to do anything but lie to her and run away. That I'll always feel like people are going to abandon me, and that there must be something wrong with me, if people only ever want to leave.
I won't stand for it any more.
I'm tired of feeling worthless.
I have worth and I am perfect because of a refiner's fire.
As heartbreaking as my conversations with said friend can be, it brings such joy to my life to know that he has God in his life, as well, and I will be forever thankful for how he has reminded me to practice what I preach.