The Youth Pastor Chronicles Pt.4(?)

So this weekend I've been spending some Q.T with the youth group. Recently, David Hossini became our pseudo youth pastor. He's just filling in for the summer.
He's been going to our church for as long as most of us can remember, so we were all really stoked when we learned that the person coming in was someone we all knew really well.
It's funny, when Shawn left, he was worried that we'd alienate the new youth pastor and compare him to Shawn. It's completely the opposite. Shawn came to youth group last night, and everytime he told us to do something, we'd just kind of disregard it.
"Alright everyone.. sit down"
"I dunno... Dave-Hos didn't tell us to sit down."
"Yeah, who's this guy telling us to do stuff."
"I think I'm just going to stand here"
"Hey David, should we sit down?"
"Alright guys, take a seat"
"sure thing, David!"

I suppose it's kind of a jerk move, but it's how we naturally communicate with Shawn now. We're teenagers, it's what we do. And at least we're accepting Dave-Hos with open arms.
I'm actually really bummed out that I'll be away all summer and wont get to spend time with him as the YP. He's already won over all the youth, and he's really funny and caring. So far he's an incredible youth pastor.
Today we all got together at 5am to help clean up the Relay for Life, and it was definitely worth it, we already have tons of inside jokes with David, ("You know, that's just the sausage industry trying to brainwash you. Our Lady Peace is their biggest client. And ICP... that's why all the Juggalo's are so overweight"; "You know, i think Girdeen is the national colour of India";
"We are dumping sand in the light of God"; "I'm easy... TO MAKE SANDWICHES FOR!")
and some of the youth who were still pretty sketchy about accepting someone new, he managed to win over without even trying.
I haven't laughed as hard as I did this weekend in a really long time.
We all have come to the conclusion that we REALLY want him to stay past august, but he has to go back to school.
Maybe God will perform some sort of miracle and he will stay.

Secret Love and The Fastest Way to Lonliness

So life has been pretty exceptional lately.
It's like I'm on a road leading home, and for the first time in a long while, I'm not constantly wondering when I'll reach the end, I'm just enjoying the trip.
I'm reading this incredible book called Cold Tangerines, and at one point the author remarks on how we spend our lives waiting for the "Big Thing". That huge life altering moment, and everything afterward is forever changed. The Big Award, The Big Game, The Big Love. Movies and books are full of them. It builds up til that pinnacle moment when they accomplish the Big Thing, and everything afterward is bliss.
The thing is, we spend our entire lives holding out for that big thing, and we never slow down long enough to see that our lives are filled with big moments. Schooling and jobs and first loves and marriages and children. The road is never easy, there is never pure bliss, but the moments are worth the bumps and bruises.
I guess that's my resolve right now.
My road will always be bumpy, but Lord knows it's an incredible journey.

How can I keep from singing?!

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise?
How can I ever say enough?
How amazing is Your love!
How can I keep from shouting Your name?
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing!

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And I fall down again

I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer

I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

Cold Tangerines

"I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that He gave life to someone who loves the gift."

Shauna Niequist

Fine, call me a stupid girl. I've warranted it. For so many years I've been thrown in and out of a never-ending loop of shallow promises that have always seemed to break. But then something will happen, and it always makes me wonder if they were ever broken to begin with. Nothing was ever finalized. I know those feelings will always be there despite who we love or what happens, but it gets tiring because no one compares. I hate it. And then when I get close to moving on and no longer caring, aliens land, and the universe finds it 100% necessary to throw him back into my life in the most abrupt manners...but it isn't necessary anymore. I feel like screaming to the world to cut both the five and one out of the number system forever. I feel like calling all the satellite radio stations and telling them to stop playing our song. I feel like texting him, or iming him, or writing him, and telling him to just stop thinking about me.

Who I Am