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5 years ago
Friday, July 20, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Unless grace be the wind
So I'm having one of those sentimental moments where I miss my family.
I want to go back to that weekend at my aunts house, wrestling with my big brother
laughing with Celidh,; just having a good time. It felt like I was a kid again. Not in the simple sense, but I wasn't scared, I was laughing with my big brother, it was such a distant memory; goofing off with him, and yet still so familiar.
I don't think I'll ever have that relationship with anyone else. I remember growing up I was always aching to spend my time with him, I'd always be knocking down his door and wanting to be involved in whatever he was. He mastered the art of sending me on little missions to get me off his back for awhile (Hey Mols, if oyu go and do all my chores for me, I'll let you play video games with me) and I, in return, soon mastered the art of completing them in the blink of an eye. I didn't care about those videogames at all. I was crummy at them, but it didn't bother me in the least. All I wanted was to spend time with my big brother, be exactly like him; talk like him, eat like him, agree with all his opinions. I was like a little Jacob robot.
He always gave in though, because although he would've denied it, he loved me as much, if not more. He protected me with his life and was never too busy to play barbies or some horrid game with me (although he'd probably STILL deny that).
I'm straying from my topic.
I just want to go back to that fateful day when all my problems vanished. I didn't have to worry about my dead mother or my hospitalized father. I had my big brother back, two of my favourite cousins (I have a lot of cousins) and 2 of the most amazing children on the planet.
Isla and Ewan are my cousins babies... don't call Isla that though, she is 2 and a half and has a larger vocab than me... "Molly, please pull that one, and I shall pull this one and we will go on a walk" [those toys on strings? Yeah. They are her slaves. I think I am, too] and of course, little Ewan, who can barely sit up, but has already masted his first word... Isla. I iesh my first word was my siblings name, not that Isla cares much. Ewan is just a hitch in her quest for world domination. She'll succeed, too. She has something Hitler and the rest lacked. Strawberry blonde hair and turquoise eyes the size of saucers.
But like all things, that weekend ended. I was whisked away, not to my father, but here to this new-ish chapter... definitely the story of my life.
I love my life right now, despite the normal hitches I'm likely to encounter. I mean, just think of everything that's happened in the past 3 years. I'm only 18, I have a long road ahead of me.
And even if my family is a full ferryride away, or my big brother is backpacking through Europe, I'll always know that they're there for me, or, as cheesy as it sounds, forever in my heart.
I want to go back to that weekend at my aunts house, wrestling with my big brother
laughing with Celidh,; just having a good time. It felt like I was a kid again. Not in the simple sense, but I wasn't scared, I was laughing with my big brother, it was such a distant memory; goofing off with him, and yet still so familiar.
I don't think I'll ever have that relationship with anyone else. I remember growing up I was always aching to spend my time with him, I'd always be knocking down his door and wanting to be involved in whatever he was. He mastered the art of sending me on little missions to get me off his back for awhile (Hey Mols, if oyu go and do all my chores for me, I'll let you play video games with me) and I, in return, soon mastered the art of completing them in the blink of an eye. I didn't care about those videogames at all. I was crummy at them, but it didn't bother me in the least. All I wanted was to spend time with my big brother, be exactly like him; talk like him, eat like him, agree with all his opinions. I was like a little Jacob robot.
He always gave in though, because although he would've denied it, he loved me as much, if not more. He protected me with his life and was never too busy to play barbies or some horrid game with me (although he'd probably STILL deny that).
I'm straying from my topic.
I just want to go back to that fateful day when all my problems vanished. I didn't have to worry about my dead mother or my hospitalized father. I had my big brother back, two of my favourite cousins (I have a lot of cousins) and 2 of the most amazing children on the planet.
Isla and Ewan are my cousins babies... don't call Isla that though, she is 2 and a half and has a larger vocab than me... "Molly, please pull that one, and I shall pull this one and we will go on a walk" [those toys on strings? Yeah. They are her slaves. I think I am, too] and of course, little Ewan, who can barely sit up, but has already masted his first word... Isla. I iesh my first word was my siblings name, not that Isla cares much. Ewan is just a hitch in her quest for world domination. She'll succeed, too. She has something Hitler and the rest lacked. Strawberry blonde hair and turquoise eyes the size of saucers.
But like all things, that weekend ended. I was whisked away, not to my father, but here to this new-ish chapter... definitely the story of my life.
I love my life right now, despite the normal hitches I'm likely to encounter. I mean, just think of everything that's happened in the past 3 years. I'm only 18, I have a long road ahead of me.
And even if my family is a full ferryride away, or my big brother is backpacking through Europe, I'll always know that they're there for me, or, as cheesy as it sounds, forever in my heart.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me
So I'm fairly stoked to (possibly) see Chelsey tomorrow.
I like how we've become friends again in the past few months.
I mean, when I think back, she was pretty much my coolest friend at KSS in my last year or so there (but don't tell Chris that).
Even now, as I realize how stupid my fights with Veronica were (it was grade 10 and she was my bestfriend since.. forever... so it obviously seemed like a big deal) she still ended up supporting me. Even if that did just mean yelling things and singing weird songs during walks to the beach during PE.
I was actually looking through my grade 10 yearbook the other day and I found her signature. It talked about "think about me whenever you play 20 questions" and "getting coffee in photography when we probably should've been taking pictures"
I mean, we had fun, and it'll be really cool to see her, but I think it's more than that. I'm not saying the rest of my friends were horrible people, but she had this weird way of making me forget all the dumb stuff I was dealing with. I read my old blog entries from back then, and even though my mom had just died and I would've rather done anything but go to school they always mentioned "If I don't go, Chelsey will kill me"
so maybe she's to thank.
I think it's pretty neat that out of nowhere I'm seeing my old friends again.
Last week I spent the day with Shannon, and albeit, I realized we've both changed a lot, I still managed to have fun with her, and can still appreciate the fact that she was my best friend for a gazillion years and has always been there for me, and probably always will.
...Even if she is dating Morgan Kofoed... weeeeeird.
I'm taking to Chris right now, and I miss him so much. He's probably the biggest phenomenon. Statistics say that we should have stopped talking when I left KSS, but we spent every second of that next summer communicating, and I'd talk to him every single day afterschool. Even though he's in Victoria now, I still talk to him, and he might come stay with me later in the summer. I miss that kid more than life.
Sometimes, I think he and Taryn are my guardian angels.
They started out as those kids in my grade 6 homeroom class.
I didn't even become really close to Chris until grade 9, but Taryn moved away to Alberta in grade 7. We stay in touch through phonecalls and a little msn, but kind of keep our distance.
Then, out of nowhere, she comes to visit last summer and we have an amazing time.
We share all our worries, boy troubles (ugh, teenager-dom) and friend fiascos over the phone and in person. Now she's moving back to BC and even LIVING WITH JESSY! It's definitely a crazy world and it's taught me that even though I don't necessarily associate myself with my old Qualiworld Universe, the friends I made from age 6 to 16 will always be a necessity.
I like how we've become friends again in the past few months.
I mean, when I think back, she was pretty much my coolest friend at KSS in my last year or so there (but don't tell Chris that).
Even now, as I realize how stupid my fights with Veronica were (it was grade 10 and she was my bestfriend since.. forever... so it obviously seemed like a big deal) she still ended up supporting me. Even if that did just mean yelling things and singing weird songs during walks to the beach during PE.
I was actually looking through my grade 10 yearbook the other day and I found her signature. It talked about "think about me whenever you play 20 questions" and "getting coffee in photography when we probably should've been taking pictures"
I mean, we had fun, and it'll be really cool to see her, but I think it's more than that. I'm not saying the rest of my friends were horrible people, but she had this weird way of making me forget all the dumb stuff I was dealing with. I read my old blog entries from back then, and even though my mom had just died and I would've rather done anything but go to school they always mentioned "If I don't go, Chelsey will kill me"
so maybe she's to thank.
I think it's pretty neat that out of nowhere I'm seeing my old friends again.
Last week I spent the day with Shannon, and albeit, I realized we've both changed a lot, I still managed to have fun with her, and can still appreciate the fact that she was my best friend for a gazillion years and has always been there for me, and probably always will.
...Even if she is dating Morgan Kofoed... weeeeeird.
I'm taking to Chris right now, and I miss him so much. He's probably the biggest phenomenon. Statistics say that we should have stopped talking when I left KSS, but we spent every second of that next summer communicating, and I'd talk to him every single day afterschool. Even though he's in Victoria now, I still talk to him, and he might come stay with me later in the summer. I miss that kid more than life.
Sometimes, I think he and Taryn are my guardian angels.
They started out as those kids in my grade 6 homeroom class.
I didn't even become really close to Chris until grade 9, but Taryn moved away to Alberta in grade 7. We stay in touch through phonecalls and a little msn, but kind of keep our distance.
Then, out of nowhere, she comes to visit last summer and we have an amazing time.
We share all our worries, boy troubles (ugh, teenager-dom) and friend fiascos over the phone and in person. Now she's moving back to BC and even LIVING WITH JESSY! It's definitely a crazy world and it's taught me that even though I don't necessarily associate myself with my old Qualiworld Universe, the friends I made from age 6 to 16 will always be a necessity.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Appareo Decet Nihil Munditia?
I have fallen in love.
With a language of astronomical proportions.
Latin.
Not only is it beautiful and exotic, but all the quotes are true and much more meaningful in that tongue.
No matter what they mean.
Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est
Translation?
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn
Appareo Decet Nihil Munditia?
Is it not nifty?
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags
What a glorious language, indeed.
With a language of astronomical proportions.
Latin.
Not only is it beautiful and exotic, but all the quotes are true and much more meaningful in that tongue.
No matter what they mean.
Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est
Translation?
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn
Appareo Decet Nihil Munditia?
Is it not nifty?
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags
What a glorious language, indeed.
Monday, July 16, 2007
And I hope you will forget the things that I still lack
So the last 48 hours or so have been pretty amazing.
I had a great talk with Caitlyn, I got to see Rain (best Beatles tribute band of all time) and I got to hang out with Tyler for the first time in about a month, which was fantastic; I've missed that kid so much.
But something wonderful happened tonight that definitely topped it all off nicely.
A girl from my grad class, Josi, whom I only talked to at school a few times but is on my facebook friends list and we talk on there every so often, (she left halfway through grade 12 to go to a performing arts school in Vancouver) messaged me out of nowhere, and it completely made my heart soar.
Today at 8:44pm
Hey Molly- I just wanted to tell you I am so happy that you have the faith of God in your heart. Not many people (our age) is on this narrow path of life, but I guarantee it is a very wise choice! God bless you!
It wasn't much, but it was enough. Prior to this, I had no idea what her beliefs were, but it was such a pleasant surprise and it helped ease my headaches almost completely.
I just find so much wonder in the Lord and his ways to repair my sorrowed heart in the most unorthodox and beautiful ways.
I had a great talk with Caitlyn, I got to see Rain (best Beatles tribute band of all time) and I got to hang out with Tyler for the first time in about a month, which was fantastic; I've missed that kid so much.
But something wonderful happened tonight that definitely topped it all off nicely.
A girl from my grad class, Josi, whom I only talked to at school a few times but is on my facebook friends list and we talk on there every so often, (she left halfway through grade 12 to go to a performing arts school in Vancouver) messaged me out of nowhere, and it completely made my heart soar.
Today at 8:44pm
Hey Molly- I just wanted to tell you I am so happy that you have the faith of God in your heart. Not many people (our age) is on this narrow path of life, but I guarantee it is a very wise choice! God bless you!
It wasn't much, but it was enough. Prior to this, I had no idea what her beliefs were, but it was such a pleasant surprise and it helped ease my headaches almost completely.
I just find so much wonder in the Lord and his ways to repair my sorrowed heart in the most unorthodox and beautiful ways.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
To sink for your sins, lest grace be the wind.
So after careful observation; talking to Andy about all the teens running around X-Culture bugging him, and my conversation with Lisa where she stated "I'd love to stay and chat but a) I need to eat and b) there are a bunch of teens coming in soon and I want to get out of here before that"
I have come to the following blind generalization;
Australians Hate Teenagers.
I have come to the following blind generalization;
Australians Hate Teenagers.
Take all your pills and divide them by color and might
Sometimes I feel like I'm just selling out.
I mean, my entire life I had these dreams and aspirations. I wanted to go to a huge University and experience... life. I wanted to become a screenwriter and be one of those famous people know one really knows, but who secretly the brains behind the TV dramas they feed off of.
Now I feel like that's not possible. I have to live for God, not myself. I have to do His will. I'm not making this out to seem like it's a chore for me. It most definitely is not, I WANT to do this, with every fibre in my being, but there's still that piece of my heart that aches to live out my childlke fantasies of young adulthood at Princeton.
I'm just saying...
I mean, my entire life I had these dreams and aspirations. I wanted to go to a huge University and experience... life. I wanted to become a screenwriter and be one of those famous people know one really knows, but who secretly the brains behind the TV dramas they feed off of.
Now I feel like that's not possible. I have to live for God, not myself. I have to do His will. I'm not making this out to seem like it's a chore for me. It most definitely is not, I WANT to do this, with every fibre in my being, but there's still that piece of my heart that aches to live out my childlke fantasies of young adulthood at Princeton.
I'm just saying...
The storm is coming, the storm is coming in...
Turns out it's easier to talk to amazing Australians about my problems than blog about them.
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
I mean I appreciate my friends a lot, and Carlye and Caitlyn are great and all... I love them like crazy, but they have eachother. And with everyone else, most of the time I just feel like I'm lost in the crowd, or written off as unimportant.
I don't really offer much, I'm not one of those people you need to have around for anything, or miss when they're gone. I'm more of a comic relief
Andy says:
I understand how you feel
Andy says:
but believe that in every situation you can contribute something
Andy says:
everywhere that you are, you add something that was never there before you got there and wont be there when you leave
Andy says:
most of the time its just you that decides whether to input that or not
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
Wow, that's an optimistic outlook. I like it.
Andy says:
its true
Andy says:
you have a different way of thinking and looking at things than everyone else in the world
Andy says:
without your input, they miss that
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
my only input is that of the girl with the dead mom and the dad in the psychiatric hospital...
no one's usually aching for that input
Andy says:
hey now, your looking at the circumstances that have happened to you
Andy says:
sure, that can suck
Andy says:
and isnt always fun
Andy says:
but its your reaction to those things, the growth you've experienced, and your life now that is important to people
Andy says:
thats the outlook I want to hear from
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
I'm usually a really upbeat person. I have always been optimistic and I definitely learned a lot from my mom's sickness and her death. I've given my testimony about living your life for God to tons of churches and teen groups, and I mean every word of it. It's only lately that I've felt this way. I just wish that I could pinpoint why
Andy says:
its probably cause your moving into a really important part of your life
Andy says:
and Satan would really love for you to screw it up
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
I know
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
so do I just pray about it and hope it gets better?
Andy says:
no
Andy says:
well
Andy says:
you can for sure
Andy says:
but again, its your reaction to things
Andy says:
my mum always says
Andy says:
"your character is shown through the trials, tribulations, and general crap, its not the trials that bring it out, but rather, your reaction, your life, in response to the trials."
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
Your mum is a wise woman, clearly.
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
I mean I appreciate my friends a lot, and Carlye and Caitlyn are great and all... I love them like crazy, but they have eachother. And with everyone else, most of the time I just feel like I'm lost in the crowd, or written off as unimportant.
I don't really offer much, I'm not one of those people you need to have around for anything, or miss when they're gone. I'm more of a comic relief
Andy says:
I understand how you feel
Andy says:
but believe that in every situation you can contribute something
Andy says:
everywhere that you are, you add something that was never there before you got there and wont be there when you leave
Andy says:
most of the time its just you that decides whether to input that or not
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
Wow, that's an optimistic outlook. I like it.
Andy says:
its true
Andy says:
you have a different way of thinking and looking at things than everyone else in the world
Andy says:
without your input, they miss that
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
my only input is that of the girl with the dead mom and the dad in the psychiatric hospital...
no one's usually aching for that input
Andy says:
hey now, your looking at the circumstances that have happened to you
Andy says:
sure, that can suck
Andy says:
and isnt always fun
Andy says:
but its your reaction to those things, the growth you've experienced, and your life now that is important to people
Andy says:
thats the outlook I want to hear from
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
I'm usually a really upbeat person. I have always been optimistic and I definitely learned a lot from my mom's sickness and her death. I've given my testimony about living your life for God to tons of churches and teen groups, and I mean every word of it. It's only lately that I've felt this way. I just wish that I could pinpoint why
Andy says:
its probably cause your moving into a really important part of your life
Andy says:
and Satan would really love for you to screw it up
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
I know
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
so do I just pray about it and hope it gets better?
Andy says:
no
Andy says:
well
Andy says:
you can for sure
Andy says:
but again, its your reaction to things
Andy says:
my mum always says
Andy says:
"your character is shown through the trials, tribulations, and general crap, its not the trials that bring it out, but rather, your reaction, your life, in response to the trials."
Molly Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins; the storm is coming, the storm is coming in... says:
Your mum is a wise woman, clearly.
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