Because I lost my sense of wonder

Today was pretty high up there on my scale of stellar days.
Work may have benn just... work... but it was the first day that I've gone and not wanted to vomit everywhere everytime I paused to think of the possibility of messing up. The day actually went really well and I'm learning things slowly but surely. I always have fun with the people there, and I'm not quite sure what I'll do when some of them wont be joining me on my new shift next month, like Laura, DavRo and Jase. (but I'll still have Kim and Richard!)
Afterwork was youth group. Not just ANY youthgroup, though. It was our VERY last youth group with Shawn as our youth pastor. He's officially finito on the 4th. There were no tears today, probably because we didn't try to think about it too much. At one point Shawn may or may not have chased Josh Reno, grabbed the Salvation Army flag from off the stage, and used it as a spear... then missed, and accidentally stabbed a hole in the wall of the sanctuary... maybe.
(But if anyone asks, it was Tim Latour).
Also, the dishwasher may have caught on fire.
We're still not quite sure how that happened.
It was a pretty interesting evening, but really how could Shawn NOT leave with a bang?
After all that wrapped up, Michelle, Mike, Tyler, Timmy and I drove off to McDonalds.... and into a roadblock.
Michelle actually almost threw up on the guy (she was a liiiittle over the 'N' 1 person limit) but he just let us go after asking us where we were coming from and we said youth group. (Also, when she opened the glove compartment to get her insurance, a bible fell out).
We basically just spent almost 2 hours sitting in Mcdonalds laughing a lot and Mike begging me to buy him stuff.
So even though nothing super spectacular happened, and I'm still a little heartbroken when I think of the changes coming up in our youth group, today was pretty rad.
I'm just really thankful for all the people in my life, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

I am the villain in my own story

Kay, so I know I blog a lot about Shawn, but you know what? I don't care.
I spend more time with him than I do with most other people, except Michelle...
And people I work with because, well, I work a lot.
Tonight I went out for coffee with him, Tyler, Mike, Michelle and Josh and most of the time was spent with us just goofing off and talking about ridiculous things like how Coyote should just use the money he spends buying anvils and hire a hitman (Tyler) or how Josh should be an actor, but only play a guy on Speed (...well, Josh). While we were laughing and talking and everything, Shawn was just watching us. On the way home he told me how much he loves to watch us talk. He talked about how people always say how much they can't stand teens and how he just cannot relate, because some of his favourite times are just watching us be... us.
The sadder part of the conversation was when Shawn stopped to see if Alex got home alright, and he wasn't there. Every time I drive with Shawn, he always stops to check on Alex.
and he was like "this is the part of the job I hated. Worrying about kids tears me apart".
I told him i didn't think him not being a youth pastor will change how much he cares for people and he's like "oh i know, but i wont be able to make new relationships and get close to them so much that it hurts. Every year there's another Alex and they come and go, and they're the kids that when I leave, the relationship will fade and they'll move on. It's not lie you because I've built that connection with you and we're friends now."
It so easy to see what Shawn is thinking just by looking at him. When we looked over at him while we were laughing in Tim Hortons, he was smiling, but his eyes looked so sad. This is really rough on him right now. We have to make this transition as easy as possible for him.


//Molly\\ -|- Meshiach -|- says:
he just enjoys listening to us talk
//Molly\\ -|- Meshiach -|- says:
and he doesnt want to lose that
Chelle hearts josh mills times affinity! says:
he wont
Chelle hearts josh mills times affinity! says:
we'll make sure of that

Alone

You left too soon
I didn't even get to say goodbye
To you
And now I'm left
With only the few pictures that remain
I should have taken more when I had the time.
You're not here
But can you hear me?
The call that shattered my world
Was the voice that called you home
And now I'm left to hurt
How can I face this world alone?
So now I wait
For a chance to see your face again
Because I know this is not the end.
And I live for the day that I will walk
To Heaven and call your name
And you'll run to me through those crowded streets.
And I can hear in my heart
Your the call that shattered my world
You're the voice that called her home
And now I'm left to hurt
Only now I cry with hope
And know
I'm not alone.

I wanna read good news; I wanna be innocent again

These words consume her but they never set her free.

Time for something upbeat.
I love so much about my life. Really, truly, I feel really blessed by a lot.
I love Sunday school. I love helping Aidan write a get well soon card to his 2 year old sister. I love how it was completely his idea. I love when Holly tells me she loves me and I love Claire making her best monkey face. I love my job. I love drinking 'Neil's' hot chocolate (with sprinkles) with Kim and goofing off with DavRo.
I love Shawn. As my youth pastor and as my friend. I love going out for coffee every week, and just talking about everything on the way home from church. I love his dedication to his family. I love his family. I love how he'd die for Krista, Emma and Katie without a second thought.
Clint says he'll always be my youth pastor, no matter how much time passes, Shawn will be who I think of when I think of "my" youth pastor.
Honestly, though, I'd rather think of him as this huge force in my life. This major mentor. Then everyone can move forward and kind of embrace whoever comes to fill his place.
Right. My love thing.
I love my friends. I love Michelle and how she doesn't see any option other than good. I love Tyler, and his goal of becoming even more laid-back, ad how he doesn't use car doors anymore and just jumps through windows. I love Mike's socks with sandals and directness.
I love Carlye. So much. I wish she didn't have to hurt. I love Camille and how straight forward she is regarding her entire life. I love driving to Victoria at 2am with Carlye and Camille to go to Denny's... and realizing after that we're not even hungry.
I love how Ben is always there to listen to me. Always. I could go on for hours and he'd just listen, no matter how ridiculous I'm being. And that's most of the time. I wish I was better at letting people know how much I appreciate them.
I love Stephanie. I just thought I'd put that in here. I love how she's always treated me like an adult, even when I was nowhere close to one. I love sitting in church with her discussing how tithing plates should have ATM's on them. I love how she's really a kid at heart, in a 20-something body.
I love rain and the sun and leaves and stars and the smell of morning.
I think I want to be proposed to in the snow.

TU24

There's an asteroid heading towards earth for the 29th.
Apologize to foes, hug loved ones, kiss babies.
We're all gonna die.