Hide behind your half smile but the truth is so undeniable

Despite some things that aren't picture perfect in my life right now, I look out the window at the bright street and listen to the happy bird songs and I wonder how someone couldn't feel so blessed today.
The warmth of summer always manages to brighten up my heart and soul, without fail.
I can't wait for the summer to get into full swing. Friends, laughter, and love.
Life is never perfect, but as I sit here and the sun warms my face, I wonder how anything could possibly go wrong when the world is feeling this glorious.

Infatuation Turning Into Disease

So I realized something pretty huge today. I thought, in passing, of my mom.
In passing.
It was bizarre. I was sitting listening to my ipod and I was like "hey, at one point in time, I had a mother" and it was the craziest thing. Not because I forgot or anything. I blogged about her death last night, and I glanced at her photo album last night as I was climbing into bed.
It's not as if I forgot she ever existed, or that she doesn't anymore, so much.
It was the realization that I'm not in mourning. I mention her, I think about her while listening to my ipod, and I'm sad... but it's more of an "aw shucks, I miss that lady" than the old "how will I ever survive without her?".
I used to wonder daily is I'd ever be a normal girl with normal problems. Boys, school, friends... without the underlying mom drama. Everything seemed so juvenile in comparison. Sometimes I wonder if that's how I kept out of trouble for all those years, and steered clear of my boy induced dramas, because I was too busy focusing on my lack of maternal slush.
And now as I reflect on the past few months, I had a bit of a revelation.
I am a normal girl with normal boy drama, friend drama, drama drama.
And I realized something else... it blows.
I'm so tremendously grateful to God for removing that ache from my heart and providing me with the strength to move on.
But come on now, throw me a bone here!
I'm new to this teenage girl thing, remember?

Oi.

I don't need a miracle to believe

Michelle Marie Latour


Never give up on or doubt yourself.
Don't second guess who you are or anything you stand for,
You're beautiful and I live to hear you giggle.
I pray you never lose that sparkle in your eye.
You're a superstar, and never EVER think you're anything less.
Don't settle. Only accept the best.
Only the one who fits each of your requirements.
You deserve only the best.
Heck , we both do.
I'm so proud of you.
Never doubt that either, kay?
I love you, Chellebaby.
Bestfriends.

Even in the crashing down, I can hear redeption calling

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:32-33

In this world you will have trouble.

That sentence isn't the kind ready for open interpretation. It doesn't leave you unsure of where you stand or it's meaning. It's simple and to the point.
In this world, in this life, you will have trouble. You will strive and you will fail, you will hurt and cry and mess up countless times and break hearts and have your own shattered. You will wake up some mornings and not want to get out of bed. Crap happens.
But take heart!
Do not fear! Dry your tears and rejoice!
I have overcome the world.
King of Kings, Lord of Lords. The Creator, Alpha and Omega, has overcome this world, this life, this trouble, torment and pain.
That sentence is as simple and concrete as the first.
Take heart! I have overcome the world.

I've been thinking a lot about this verse in particular lately. In this world you will have trouble.
Not maybe... You will.
Absolutely, no doubt about it.
Hold on tight.
I think back to all the times in my life when I have felt alone and hopeless and wondering if it will ever get better. The days, weeks and months after my mom passed away, I was certain that feeling in the pit of my stomach would never go away. That despair and emptiness that remained in her absence. I only recently remembered how much I used to refer to that emptiness. And only then did I notice that it's gone. I started to think back, way back, to before my mom passed away. When I look back at pictures from back then, I barely recognize myself. I was the tiny girl (yeah, yeah, still tiny) with the longest, blondest hair and the sparkle in my eye. I was the one who sat on the phone with my friends for hours telling them that it would get better, as long as they had faith.
The more I thought about it, the more I knew. It wasn't my lack of a mother that had me feeling empty for those passing weeks and months. It was my lack of faith. I'd lost my hope and my belief that it would get better.
I've had a lot of those moments since then, trust me.
Life will never be a walk in the park. There will always be trouble. But God has defeated this world, Jesus has battled the trouble and won.
Take heart. I have overcome the world.

Beautiful To Me --- 2 Corinthians 6:14

So today we had a bible study on, what else? Relationships.
Chelle was leading it (and did SUCH an incredible job; I'm so freaking proud of her) and we talked about what we thought relationship meant, about having a relationship that glorifies God.
At one point someone asked why we were talking about how hard it is to date non-Christians. Chelle, Carlye and I started talking about how you think you can save them, but it becomes something more physical than spiritual. I began quoting a conversation I used to have a lot in highschool. About how I knew I could never be in a relationship with a non-believer - not as a judgement call - because I want the person I love to be someone I can share EVERYTHING with. Marriage is meant to be the binding of two souls, and if I can't share my love of God with them, it would drive a wedge between us. Eventually, I'd have to choose between them and God. And I don't want to do that to someone I love - or to my God.
I caught myself at this point, speaking so passionately about my hopes and dreams and everything I wanted for the future, and I wondered "how did I get so misguided?" I used to be so sure of where I stood and who I was. I spent all my highschool years passionately defending my choices and my faith, and yet once that rollercoaster was over, I chose THEN to fall apart.
But not anymore.
I know who I am and where my identity, faith and morals lie.
In my Lord.


Worn out, wasted
Like a bird with broken wings
Sometimes grace reminds me
I don't get to be the King

But love it washes over
Love it pulls me closer
Love it changes everything

Everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemption calling
And everything is beautiful to me

Sweetly, You release me
From the weight of what I've done
The trigger trips the hammer
But the bullets never come

And love it washes over
Love it pulls me closer
Love it changes everything

Everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemption calling
And everything is beautiful to me

And love like a landslide
Like the wind
Spins around me pulls me in
At it's unveiling, I begin

Everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemption calling
And everything is beautiful to me

Reign In Us

You thought of us before the world began to breathe
You knew our names before we came to be
You saw the very day we'd fall away from You
and how desperately we need to be redeemed

Lord Jesus
come lead us
we're desperate for Your touch

Oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that You would reign
that You would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that You would reign
that You would reign in us

Spirit of the living God fall fresh again
come search our hearts and purify our lives
we need Your perfect love we need Your discipline
we're lost unless You guide us with Your light

Lord Jesus
come lead us
we're desperate for Your touch

Oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that You would reign
that You would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that You would reign
that You would reign in us

we cry out for Your life to revive us; cry out
for Your love to define us; CRY OUT
for Your mercy to keep us
blameless until You return

Oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that You would reign
that You would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that You would reign
that You would reign in us

So reign please reign in us
come purify our hearts
we need Your touch
come cleanse us like a flood
and set us out
so the world may know you reign
you reign in us

And How Am I Supposed To Tell You How I Feel? I need Oxygen

This just in.
Sally Ann Bible Studies are and always will be the bomb.

Clayton: So, why is it that when we meet someone we notice the physical stuff right away?
Carlye: Cause when you first see someone you're not like "their favourite color is green", you're like "they have a nice face"

*Making lists of Top 5 qualities we look for in a "significant other"*
Molly: can I put "pretty eeeeyes?"
Michelle: Nope, I said no "pretty eyes" or "cute butt"
Carlye: Aw man, but I already wrote "cute butt"
Spackwood: And I've got "nice hair"

Also, I love sitting on overstuffed couches with Taylor Mclennan for an hour talking about boys.
Just sayin'.