Infatuation Turning Into Disease

So I realized something pretty huge today. I thought, in passing, of my mom.
In passing.
It was bizarre. I was sitting listening to my ipod and I was like "hey, at one point in time, I had a mother" and it was the craziest thing. Not because I forgot or anything. I blogged about her death last night, and I glanced at her photo album last night as I was climbing into bed.
It's not as if I forgot she ever existed, or that she doesn't anymore, so much.
It was the realization that I'm not in mourning. I mention her, I think about her while listening to my ipod, and I'm sad... but it's more of an "aw shucks, I miss that lady" than the old "how will I ever survive without her?".
I used to wonder daily is I'd ever be a normal girl with normal problems. Boys, school, friends... without the underlying mom drama. Everything seemed so juvenile in comparison. Sometimes I wonder if that's how I kept out of trouble for all those years, and steered clear of my boy induced dramas, because I was too busy focusing on my lack of maternal slush.
And now as I reflect on the past few months, I had a bit of a revelation.
I am a normal girl with normal boy drama, friend drama, drama drama.
And I realized something else... it blows.
I'm so tremendously grateful to God for removing that ache from my heart and providing me with the strength to move on.
But come on now, throw me a bone here!
I'm new to this teenage girl thing, remember?

Oi.