Dirty and Left Out

Hello, I swear I won't be too long
Hello, I promise I'll be real strong
Wait up, I just wanna tell you
Hold up, why are you still here?

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know

Why do you wanna be all listening to me
Why do you spread your arms and tell me I'm free
Why do you wanna be in my life
In my life

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know

Jesus, Jesus
There's something about your name
Master, saviour, Jesus

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know
Jesus
Jesus

I want more than desperation, I want more than a lonely nation

I'm feeling a lot better currently.
I went out with Michelle and we talked... about everything. I'm so glad that she's up to talking about what's going on with everyone right now. She deals with things silently, I deal with them through talking them out, however, whenever I'm battling with something, no one wants to talk. I still have hours of "mom-related" talking to get out of my system from 3 years ago, but no one really wants to hear anything else on that subject.
I also talked to Chris about how we've been feeling about a variety of things and our feelings regarding life in general are startlingly similar. He also told me that I'm the bravest person he knows. That was a major shock, because I've always considered what he's gone through WAY more intense than my crap. It also meant a lot, because although I've been called brave 4327843725 times in the past few years, coming from him it meant so much more. He didn't mean it in a "aww, you're mom's dead, that sucks" kind of way, but in a genuine "I respect the way you approach life" kind of way. It was big.
We also talked about how I wish I had gum that was a multitude of meals, like in Willy Wonka.

.:Chris:. -||- .What to do, what to do.... -||- says:
I wouldn't. That sounds icky
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
and a dog as big as Clifford that i could ride places.
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
I was thinking of that today while i walked the dog
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
i glared and her and thought "you're useless to me as an commonplace transportation device"
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
or a dinosaur
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
he could do my bidding
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
cause his teeth would be sharp and he'd have ice-age-old rage to throw into SOMETHING extracurricular
.:Chris:. -||- .What to do, what to do.... -||- says:
Threaten to eat your bosses if they don't give you a raise
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
don't you mean threaten to make HIM eat my bosses?
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
humans are gamey

Run where you'll be safe

I'm talking to Taylor Craig and I started telling him about my overwhelming loneliness that I didn't even realize I had.
About how increasingly since Caitlyn left, I've been feeling so alone, and I hate it.
How I'm always surrounded by people, but I can't talk to them and I'm always off by myself because I don't fit. My only solace is youth group, which I throw my entire being into. I love on those kids like crazy, just waiting for some of it to be returned.
It was an intense revelation for me.
I kept thinking it had something to do with not having my family, and I've spent weeks thinking about moving to Vancouver to be with them, and that it would fix everything.
I don't think I need family, I just need people.

<3//>
You just need love from people.
<3>
Tangible love.

I've been missing my mom so much lately, wanting her here just to hold onto me, but I don't think thats so much wanting HER, as wanting someone. She's just the person I relate that kind of compassion to and I don't know if those kind of people who can devote that kind of thing into me exist in my life. I can't expect anyone to do that, it's not fair.
But I don't want to feel empty anymore.

The Caitlyn Spence Show and other phenomenons from the past year

Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY THE ROLOOF FAMILY HAS A REALITY TELEVISON SHOW AND I DO NOT
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
WHY
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
who are they?
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
Little people big world
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
oh yeah
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
cause you have no midgets in your family
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
so
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
their show has nothing to do with midgets
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
dwarfism is a big seller
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
except that some of them are
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
it's just like "Today, we are going to play soccer. We are little people playing soccer"
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
and then half an hour of them doing everyday normal things
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
WHERE IS MY SHOW OF ME DOING NORMAL THINGS
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
I'd watch the Spence's
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
NO.
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
just Caitlyn.
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
oh...
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
hmm...
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
I dunno, Chelsea has a lot to offer...
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
not even
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
she can make cameos
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
who else is gonna be in your show
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
like... the opening credits
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
hmm
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
my mom
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
cale
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
shawn
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
the youth group kids
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
ooh ooh can mine have me doing something amazing
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
like playing Beethoven's 12th on the fluglehorn?
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
yes
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
but it'll be drowned out by the theme song
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
as long as my obvious talent is evident to the viewers at home
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
mmk
--------------------------------------------------
Molly says:
tequilla???
you drunkard!
Molly says:

I'm Home ! says:
ya thats ME

Caitlyn.. the chemistry between us could destroy this place says:
at least she can admit it
Molly says:
unlike Keeley.
She needs help.
Caitlyn.. the chemistry between us could destroy this place says:
oh her
Molly says:
34. What do you like about the summer? Drinking, camping, drinking while camping, drinking inside, drinking outside, going on drunken excursions, walking everywhere without a coat, while drunk possibly.
Molly says:
my brother can enter counseling with Keeley
Caitlyn.. the chemistry between us could destroy this place says:
He means koolaide right?
Caitlyn.. the chemistry between us could destroy this place says:
koolaide is the drink of summer
--------------------------------------


#21 Molly -|- Where there is great love, there are always wishes. -|- says:
...is that a watering can?
# 19 miCHelle's tip of the day: People who live in glass houses....shouldn't walk around naked 5 days says:
NO
# 19 miCHelle's tip of the day: People who live in glass houses....shouldn't walk around naked 5 days says:
ITS CLEARLY A CAR
# 19 miCHelle's tip of the day: People who live in glass houses....shouldn't walk around naked 5 days says:
AND A HOUSE AND A SUN AND A FLOWER AND ME IN A YELLOW FLIPPING SKIRT
-------------------------------------------------

Molly Grace marked your heart says:
WE SHOULD START A CLUB FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN BEATEN BY CLAIRE AT BOWLING
Caitlyn.. NO HOSANNA TOMORROW says:
YOU TOO!?
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
YEAH
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
i won the first round
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
the second round i was too busy dancing with the perry kids
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
isn't she four?
Caitlyn.. NO HOSANNA TOMORROW says:
yes?
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
WE ARE SO PATHETIC
------------------------------------------
Carlye says:
i called you
Carlye says:
and i have a plan
][Molly][ I’m drowning but I don’t care, because when you got what I got, who needs air? says:
ooooh plan?
][Molly][ I’m drowning but I don’t care, because when you got what I got, who needs air? says:
i love plans
Carlye says:
i have a list of things that are at caitlyns house
Carlye says:
this is your mission molly woodford
Carlye says:
find the jade monkey before sundown, and the world will be saved
][Molly][ I’m drowning but I don’t care, because when you got what I got, who needs air? says:
lolololololol
Carlye says:
......wanna hear the real plan
][Molly][ I’m drowning but I don’t care, because when you got what I got, who needs air? says:
yes please
---------------------------------------------------
Carlye the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
im scared to call rachels house this early, is it safe?
Carlye the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
or should i wait until 8ish
Molly Chris is a fatty says:
sure
Molly Chris is a fatty says:
they wake up early
Carlye the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
i'm doing it, if i die its your fault
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
did you die?
Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
yes
Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
im dead
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
aw.
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
how sad
Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
no kidding eh?
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
...can i have your hair straightener?





Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
IM STILL ALIVE
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
IT'S A MIRACLE
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
PRAISE THE LORD
Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
HALLLEELLUUUJJAAHHH
--------------------------------------





Chelsea and Molly discussing the package of "meatless meatballs" in the freezer

Molly: you know, the whole meatless meatball concept makes little sense. Because if your meatballs were indeed meatless, they would cease to exist.

Chelsea: What if it was a vegetarian cow?

Molly: Well, maybe if it was a VEGETABLE cow... like, made of broccoli instead of cow.
---------------------------------

Kay, that's all, for now.
Other newsly news?
I still have a flu and want to die and junk.
I got a job.... even though I had to leave the interview to throw up.
YAY.
Vangi is coming to visit for New Years.
I leave on Saturday for my aunts house.
SO STOKED.
Kay, gonna go get better now.
LOVE