Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Run where you'll be safe

I'm talking to Taylor Craig and I started telling him about my overwhelming loneliness that I didn't even realize I had.
About how increasingly since Caitlyn left, I've been feeling so alone, and I hate it.
How I'm always surrounded by people, but I can't talk to them and I'm always off by myself because I don't fit. My only solace is youth group, which I throw my entire being into. I love on those kids like crazy, just waiting for some of it to be returned.
It was an intense revelation for me.
I kept thinking it had something to do with not having my family, and I've spent weeks thinking about moving to Vancouver to be with them, and that it would fix everything.
I don't think I need family, I just need people.

<3//>
You just need love from people.
<3>
Tangible love.

I've been missing my mom so much lately, wanting her here just to hold onto me, but I don't think thats so much wanting HER, as wanting someone. She's just the person I relate that kind of compassion to and I don't know if those kind of people who can devote that kind of thing into me exist in my life. I can't expect anyone to do that, it's not fair.
But I don't want to feel empty anymore.

0 comments: