Thursday, October 1, 2009

These Ties That Bind Are So Pedestrian

Please attempt a critique. Not sure what I think of it as of yet.


Your eyes are blue, deep blue, like the ocean after a storm
And they shine, an incandescent glow, like the lighthouse, directing great ships home
Well, if you are the ocean, can I be your waves?
And if you are the lighthouse, am I the one that you save?
Because I've been stranded, abandoned, confined here for too long
And the only thing that gets me through is the glimmer, the gleam; your glow
The steady beat of your heart scanning the water; calm and slow
The assurance in each breaker, as the rush, it pulls me deeper.
And all the while, not breaking stride, or casting your eyes
Away from mine, and for that one euphoric moment I
Can feel your love resounding, and for only that split second I
Forget that I am drowning.
And they are blue, deep blue, just like the waves that pull me under
and I can barely catch my breath, and perhaps forget to struggle
Because while I sink beneath the billows and fight through tangled reed
I finally start to realize, you're merely brick and salty sea
And yet for that last eternal second, I can't bear to look abroad
And instead, gaze at your figure, while your lighthouse beams glow on.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

God of strength, our weakness shows

Tonight in bible study we were discussing Thirst.
That desire, that deep longing for something more.
How life is this giant search for something of value, though many of us are not sure quite what it is or where to find it. We questioned how exactly we're supposed to recognize the desire if it's always been there. If we were always hungry or thirsty, would we recognize that we need to eat or drink, or do we only recognize it because we know what it's like to have that need satisfied.
I once read a book that presented the idea that we are all seeking out a relationship with God. Christian or not, our soul is constantly pulling us, tugging at our heartstrings, giving us that thirsty feeling. In fact, the Bible says, in Ecclesiasties, that God has set eternity in the hearts of men. Once, centuries ago, we were intimately connected with God. When God created Adam and Eve, he walked with them. Does anyone else find that profound? God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden. They shared a close bond with their God. He was so personified, so present in their lives. However, once sin entered into Adam and Eve's life, it created a barrier between them and God. And it only seemed to worsen with time. Nowadays, God is basically a foreign idea to the majority of the modern world. Once, we walked with God, and now, we merely thirst.
Also discussed tonight was the idea that a lot of people are hesitant to search. Maybe they had a bad experience with Christians in the past, maybe something happened that placed bitterness and resentment in the heart towards God. Maybe they're just afraid to take that leap. I remember being like that. My mom had just died, and it seemed that everywhere I turned, someone was telling me to pray. I didn't understand how a God who loved me would kill off my mother, who was the only real thing holding her delicate family together. My entire world was crashing around me, and I felt completely isolated and alone. And it was all God's fault.
When I tell people my testimony, and how I got saved, I usually leave out the part about how I started that night feeling pretty cynical. It had been exactly one year since my mom had died, and in that time, I had created this intricate shell of anger and emptiness and shame. I remember spending nights cutting, because, although it never helped me forget, it stopped me from thinking clearly enough to be able sort through all my feelings. Because although I was angry and shameful and completely miserable, I felt safe that way. I had fallen into a rhythm, and anything else scared me.
The night I got saved was one of the scariest of my life. Not because I was alone, but because I wasn't. Because I was surrounded by people who cared about me. Because for the first time, I didn't feel completely empty. Because surrounded by people who loved me, and talking to God, I couldn't hide anymore. Hide the fact that I needed a change, needed to face myself and my fears, or I was going to disappear.
It was terrifying, and sometimes it still is. But I wouldn't trade anything in the world for this fear, because nothing was worse than that emptiness.
I don't expect many people to take my word for it, but it's all I really have.
I'm not a great philosopher, I haven't devoured millions of ancient texts.
But come on. let's look at this logically.
C.S Lewis once said "Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger; well there is such a thing as food; a duckling wants to swim; well there is such a thing as water. If I find myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
Basically, If you can't seem to find anything to satisfy your deepest earthly desire, maybe it's not a earthly desire after all.


On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
John 7:37