Michelles

So today was pretty rad.
I had youth group after school
and everything thats been going on for the past week or so hit me.
So I pretty much had a breakdown.
Shawn locked me in a room (he likes to do that) and got me to tell him
everything that's going on.
Aside from the iffy bits, I got to hang out with my favorite person ever,
Michelle.
Okay, my second favorite person... the first being Michelle... but not the same one.
...This does kind of make sense.
Michelle Latour = amazing best friend who is currently in Halifax because she hates me
Michelle Hetu = amazing girl from youth group whom I am in love with... yeah.

Picture Reference.


Michelle # 1

Michelle #2

Coincidently, those are also the two worst pictures of me ever.
Funny how that works.

Also, as you may have noticed from picture 2, I dyed my hair... today...
It is now all one color.
And not platinum blonde.
How sad.

Yeah,
I should sleep.
I have an appointment at 10am @ JCA Spa
(AKA Jessy's house... but she likes to sound snazzy)

lovelovelove

ps.
You know who else is rad?
Chantel...



...and Tiana, Kerin, Keeley and Jen.

okay,
sleep now.



Eep prom!

BLUHHHG

Prom = 2 days

So much totally unwanted stress.
Bleh.
Oh well, it oughta be a blast.
and I love my busy weekends.

Friday = Amazing Race
Saturday = Prom
Sunday = Testimony @ Neighborhood

Sooo sick, but hopefully I'll get better soon.

Michelle comes home in 23 days.

<3

Just one goodbye

Found a poem my brother wrote after my mom died.

Lifeless she lyed
Swollen her face
Just one Goodbye
Nothings the same

They said she would live
She was coming around
Just one Goodbye
She was gone the next day

The Doctors they lied
Where was the truth
Just one Goodbye
Then she was gone

God loaded the gun
But who pulled the trigger
Just one Goodbye
Before its all over

Never got a chance
To say what I feel
Just one Goodbye
. . . Just one goodbye

LOVE

Yeah, so...
My friends and I lie to have deep intense talks.


#21 Molly -|- I wanna be your last first kiss -|- says:
you don't love us
..D e a n n a - says:
i do
..D e a n n a - says:
your words are lies
#21 Molly -|- I wanna be your last first kiss -|- says:
your face are lies
..D e a n n a - says:
SEE more lies
#21 Molly -|- I wanna be your last first kiss -|- says:
SMELL more lies
#21 Molly -|- I wanna be your last first kiss -|- says:
...stinky



Caitlyn.. the chemistry between us could destroy this place says:
I wish I had more nachos
#21 Molly -|- I wanna be your last first kiss -|- says:
i wish i had nachos at all
.:Chris:. -||-.The only difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.-||- says:
I wish I had a puppy. A puppy that would respond to thoughts.
#21 Molly -|- I wanna be your last first kiss -|- says:
a talking puppy?
.:Chris:. -||-.The only difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.-||- says:
No, because then the puppy would divulge my thoughts.
.:Chris:. -||-.The only difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.-||- says:
....More like a Mind-Controlled puppy
.:Chris:. -||-.The only difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.-||- says:
Like being all "That person said I look fat" and having the puppy pee on their shoe.

Yes, even stars break.

Alone at last, sleeping to help ease my pain
And I take it back, you'll never be this close to me
And I breathe in deep; helps me avoid the state you put me in
And now that I can deal, with everything you've thrown at me
And how does it feel, to know that you could never fix the way that we see
The way you left us without any reasoning.

I lay you to rest, in my head stored away never to return
I'll forget everything you left back at home
Please know I'm always looking back on our scripted memories...


Look at how I've grown, just see,
These burdens you put on us helped guide me to be, the one I was supposed to be
He breathes in deep
Helps him realize how everything in his whole life progressed
He's fine I swear and he'll confess
To you cause tonight he'll find his was back home
Forget about the plans we made; I'll never let this go
Broken faith and wasted breath, photographs are all thats left...
Of you.

We've come along way to look back on you right now
We've spent too many days trying to find you out
We still hold close to us our memories of you...
Of you.

Run where you'll be safe

This isthe busiest flippin week ever.
I love my friends, but Michelle is leaving in 3 days and I want to hang out with her after school
or something.
I'm so swamped with Jobie crap every day and when I don't have that, it;s something with church.
GAH!
Prom in 5 days.
Yay?
Haven't even bought the tickets for Tyler and I yet.
$60 I'd rather not fork out.
Is it just me or is grad an excuse to spend all my cash?
I hate money.
It only causes problems.
I'm just pessimistic right now.
I just wish all my friends could get along.
I love you all through everything, but this is ridiculous.
That is all.
xoxo

So I realized today that I haven't actually posted anything of substance here lately.
Maybe there was just too much to say that I couldn't voice properly.
My like has been going along so well.
That's probably a major lie. My family is a mess. My dad is depressed and there's nothing
I can do. My Opa is being put in a retirement home soon. My dad is having "job issues" and
that's affecting our "financial issues". Now I've never really been a stickler for financial security, but there are some things I just require. Like a phone, my internet connection, a house.
I'm scared. So scared.
I don't know what to do.
I want to get a job, but I'm too busy with jobies until June.
I have all the stupid grad stress of prom and grad fees and PASSING classes and I'm so freaking worried that my little perfect life is going to shatter. Again.
Back when my mom died, I had a stellar life going. Amazing friends, grades, life.
After spending months trying to hide my moms illness, I guess it was a pretty big deal when she up and died. My friends had no idea she was even very sick. They weren't sure how to deal with me, and I wasn't sure what to do either. I went on faking it. I kept everything peachy, but it wasn't. Goodbye friends,goodbye grades,goodbye perfect life.
I'm a completely different person now. My life is amazing, but in a new stronger way.
I'm a much stronger person now, and a lot more levelheaded... but I cant help but worry at the end of all this I'll be right back where I started; Not knowing who I am or where I'm going and feeling completely alone.
I know my friends care about me and I should be telling them what's going on... but I don't want to see dramatic or like I'm trying to seek attention. Just like in grade 9... I don't want to be brushed off.
All I can see in the future is turmoil, and I just want to hold onto this perfect life forever.