You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
You and I embrace surrender
You and I choose to believe

Tonight was Metamorphosis, a full-circle-esque "one night only" type deal for all the youth in Nanaimo at 1t Baptist. Now, I was expecting it to be fairly unremarkable, which, of course, is ridiculous. Nothing from the Lord ever turns out that way.
The only youth from Slvation Army that ever howed up at first were myself (although technically I'm youth leader) Emily Larsen (although technically she's too young to be a youth), Katelyn (also a leader, and was there with work) and Mike (who technically came with the band). Pretty lame, eh?
Naturally, everyone else was fashionably late, and we were joined by Tyler, Jessy, Sarah Packwood and John Sketchley (Shelley Mcdonald and my friend Emily were also in attendance).
The speaker was Phil Cann, ho, in case you don't know, is INCREDIBLE. On top of that, he's hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. Even more, I haven't considered God in the way I was forced to consider Him tonight.
He talked bout listening to God when he tells you what to do. He talked about how great it would be if God whispered in your ear I want you to do this, I want you to go here, I want you to say these things" and how he did that with Jonah and Jonah did the opposite. And so do we. We think we know better than God; "How important can he be, his name is only 3 letters?", "he has to be wrong sometimes, and I must be right." He related it to how people are afraid o flying. You are more likely to die walking down the street than flying in a plane, (15 people die per year due to falling vending machines) yet we're scared. Why? Because we aren't in control.
We know God can do anything, He TELLS us his plans for our lives. He TELLS us what to do to be happy and do his will and gives us a blueprint, and we go the opposite way, because we'd rather be i control.
"Being Christian doesn't mean coming to church and singing worship songs that make it seem like you want Jesus to be your boyfriend, it means you actually have to give Him control. 'But that means the way my life is headed might change!' Duh."
Lord, please mold me into the person you want me to be. I want to listen to You and I want to live for You. I'm ridiculously flawed and stupid, and I don't deserve You, but please, take control of my life.

You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
You and I embrace surrender
You and I choose to believe
You and I will see who we were meant to be

The Truth

Well versed in the ways of the world

they hold it all together as i stand back in envy
is there a hurting heart behind that smile...

(a world of hurting hearts
a few broken generations)

"it's not safe, stay away from... follow me's are everywhere
in a world that lacks commitment you very quickly learn
to justify your actions so follow the truth"

but it seems like they've got it all and all I have is you
they've got it, all I have is you
wait , how can I entertain these thoughts of life without you?
I'm losing my mind and with that the love of my life.

I step out my door to a beautiful day
and a world full of hate
but I still hold on to a hope for you and me
yeah I still hold on to this foolish hope

"take it or leave it it's only a matter of life or death"

A letter to somebody like you

I guess I could just say that I hate you.
But the truth is, I don't hate you, I'm not even mad at you.
I wish I was.
I think I'm a lot more upset with myself than I could ever be at anyone else.
Because in the end it all boils down to one simple fact. I let it happen.
I'm not going to lay blame on anyone because that wouldn't be fair. I'm my own person and I make my own choices. At the end of the day, the sway of other people can only take you so far.
But I will say this.
I lost everything because of you.

The collision is such an ugly sound

I had such a terrific weekend, full of cute kids and great pizza dinners with a best friend who also happen to be the most incredible guy on the planet. JYC was so much fun, I got to hang out at Ben's house and hear his wicked organ playing skills, and Alexx's family is so awesome (and gigantic) and her surprise birthday party was precious. I feel so blessed by everything in my life. I just wish I hadn't taken so much of it for granted.
I'm so sorry to everyone I have hurt.
Not just lately, but ever.
I've done so many stupid things in my life, and I've said some ridiculous stuff. If I could take it all back, I would. Not because I want to turn back time, but because I wish no one ever had to feel pain. I've felt so much pain in these past few years that sometimes I feel like it's all just killing me, an I've always told myself that no one should have to feel any hurt. Yet I somehow find the ability inside myself to hurt other people and justify it by the fact that they love me or that grace will save me. Even if they forgive me and continue on loving me, it doesn't mean that for that moment, I wasn't hurting them.
Olivia Munn told us how good trees cannot bear bad fruit and bad trees cannot bear good fruit.
I guess it's pretty clear which tree I am now.