Water to my soul

So I'm feeling better than I've been feeling the past few days, but I suppose that wasn't exactly public knowledge. On top of being physically ill since I got back from Vancouver, I've been feeling like a pretty big failure, waste of space... whatever you call it, I felt it. Now I know that I am God's child and I am a part of the body and needed and etcetera, and I'm confident in that, trust me. It seems like the issue was outside of me; not a spirit thing. The book we're reading for XLR8 says that EVERYTHING should be a spirit thing, so I guess that's my problem, if I'm living solely through my spirit; through the spirit, nothing outside of it should affect me. At least, that's what the book told me. Or maybe the reason it is bothering me is because all is not right with my soul. Who knows.
That's a rhetorical question with an obvious answer, so I don't want 16 emails telling me something I am already fully aware of. The point is, that feeling is gone. Or if it isn't, it's lessened substantially. I went out with Kellie tonight and we had a good chat. Actually, it was a pretty ordinary insignificant chat... but it was conversation, and I guess it's all I needed. My life is such a bore lately, but at least I've been able to see my friends more than I had been able to in the past few weeks. I went out for breakfast this morning with Michelle, which was fun. We decided we were too young and hip to be Ladies who Lunch, and it was only 10:30am, so we're officially the Babes who Brunch. Classy, eh? Tomorrow I'm possibly getting together with Ben, and Carlye is sleeping over, because we make eachother love life (and I'm the only one that listens to her rant about her amazing boyfriend for 6 hours).
Tonight Michelle, Tyler and I watched Reign Over Me.
It's about this guy that runs into his old college roommate, whose wife and 3 daughters died in the 9/11 plane crash. He denies it ever happened and doesn't actually remember anything from that part of his life. It's depressing, although I don't know how it ends because Michelle had to get the car home by 10.

I suppose that's all.
PEACE

ps. Tyler told me on the phone tonight that if the movie didn't make me cry, I was cold-blooded. I asked him if that meant I was a a reptile. He said that yes, it definitely did.
Long story short, I am now a Caribbean gecko.

Jolly Holidays!

Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
i just had a vision
Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
it was funny
Michelle says:
k
Michelle says:
lets hear it
Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
well it was about you two
Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
only you were Mary Poppins and he was the chimney sweep when they go through the painting
Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
before they ride the magical horses from the merry go round
Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
when she's dressed in a pretty poofy flowered dress and bonnet
Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
and he has the cute white suit on
Michelle says:
lol kinda following... i havent seen this movie in years
Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
and he sings " Jolly Holiday"
Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
Oh, it's a jolly 'oliday with Mary
Mary makes your 'eart so liiiiiight!
When the day is gray and ordinary
Mary makes the sun shine briiiiiiight!
Michelle says:
lol random
Molly You're not perfect, but I don't care says:
Oh, 'appiness is bloomin' all around 'er
The daffodils are smilin' at the doooooove
When Mary 'olds your 'and you feel so grand
Your 'eart starts beatin' like a big brass band
It's a jolly 'oliday with Maaaaaaary
No wonder that it's Mary that we loooooove!

Would you believe me if I said it's still easy

So I was reading this weekend, because that kind of stuff is rad, and it was basically an entire text on fighting the evil one. On a completely separate occasion last night, I was talking to Michelle about how she can't quite see herself being too successful on the downtown eastside because she's a burden bearer and, well, there are a lot of burdens too bear down there, and Michelle's shoulders just can't support it all. Then we discussed how my gifts are mercy and evangelism and I would feel bad for them and then work my butt off trying to get them saved.
I've actually been noticing my mercy a lot lately, because when I was reading the book, and it talked about how Lucifer was cast to earth and became Satan and so on, I actually felt bad for him. I mean, he was an important angel and could have really been amazing and done a lot, and now look at him. It's just too bad. That does not, however, mean I don't want to beat him evil little butt into oblivion, mind you. I'm just saying, he really screwed himself over. Ha.

I know this is a really pointless post, but I'm content with that.
Today at wild truth we did the leap of faith, when the leaders hold out their arms and the kids have to fall off the platform into our arms and have faith that we won't drop them. It's a pretty long fall, too. I was glad to see the information really soaking into the kids heads and them truly understanding the connection between that and having faith that God will always catch them when they fall. It was actually really beautiful.
(and Alexis Levac is the cutest 5 year old on the planet)
We actually spent all bible study writing "constructive criticisms for Shawn (paired with things we like about him) and listening to him read them out. One actually made me laugh so hard I was in tears. I did, in fact, cry on Michelle's shoulder for a good 3 and a half minutes.
"You look like Dana Carvey"
I love my youth group so much.
Well, I suppose that's all.
Oh, and afterwards Tyler, Michelle and I invited Shawn to our excursion to Tim Hortons, since he gets hurt that we never invite him when we go out after bible study every week and we had some really good youth pastor- youth leader/ youth (Tyler is, in fact, only 17) conversing.

Kay that's all, for reals.
Night.

It's the overflow of the forgiven soul... Our hearts CANNOT stay silent!

As the title may or may not reveal to you, I am currently rocking out to 'Dancing Generation' by Matt Redman. That is the mood I'm in right now. Although I am cold and tired and barely thawed, I am in AWE of God right now. I just had a truly amazing conversation with a girl who at one time, not too long ago, I was very close friends with. We still see eachother often enough, but things have changed because the girl that I once loved, who always GLOWED with the Lord's glory, through much pain, has developed a bitter heart, and it's become pretty hard for a lot of the people in our congregation, youth-wise, to relate to her as we once did. As much as we do for every other aspect of our lives, we ache and grasp for the past, when things were beautiful and like new; when she was like an innocent tender flower, not a cold, hard stone. So you can understand to some degree how delightfully surprised I was when I got through an entire conversation with her without her yelling at me! (It's her 'thing' nowadays)
She revealed to me her feelings of loneliness and depression and how she feels a need for someone, anyone, to fill that need. She said that she aches for a boyfriend, because, in her once-familiar innocent flower ways, she's never had one.
I told her not to rush things, that time is not as important as finding a relationship that glorifies God. I praised the LORD when I could see her old mannerisms coming through as she told me how she sometimes feels like just grabbing a random guy and kissing him, just for the sake of doing it, but obviously doesn't because she knows that it's not for the right reason.
She talked about how she can imagine her perfect match; looking at her in a certain way she couldn't quite place... that smile he'd get everytime he looked at her.
I must say, I was impressed with the words I gave her, and as I read them back to myself, I felt them imprint themselves onto my heart as well, because I think it's a message EVERYONE should receive.

"Don't hurry things, it'll happen when God wants it to happen. Focus on Him, and mystery boy will come after. When you meet the right guy, you'll know.
Not by instantly wanting to kiss him, but by the way he treats you and makes you feel about YOURSELF.
The guy who will make you feel beautiful in sweats with no makeup and gives you THAT look.
The guy that you want to kiss because God has set you up as a perfect match. You'll kiss him because you want to express to him how much he means to you and to God.
You'll know it's right. You'll recognize the feelings; like it's written on your DNA.
you'll feel accepted, and you WONT feel lonely.
Being with ANY guy may take away the feelings of loneliness for a little while, but you'll know he's not THE ONE by the way he treats you.
It may be fun to make out and feel like you're wanted, but if he doesn't show you that you're beautiful INSIDE as well as on the outside, then he's not worth it."

I loved that I got to express that to her, teach her like I used to, guide her to straighter paths, because I have been so WORRIED for her; for her innocent heart.
Hallelujah! I missed her; my beautiful tender flower.

I have so much more to 'blog, but I think this is quite enough emotion for ONE entry,
Now I'm off to revel in the wonder of my Father.