I am the villain in my own story

Kay, so I know I blog a lot about Shawn, but you know what? I don't care.
I spend more time with him than I do with most other people, except Michelle...
And people I work with because, well, I work a lot.
Tonight I went out for coffee with him, Tyler, Mike, Michelle and Josh and most of the time was spent with us just goofing off and talking about ridiculous things like how Coyote should just use the money he spends buying anvils and hire a hitman (Tyler) or how Josh should be an actor, but only play a guy on Speed (...well, Josh). While we were laughing and talking and everything, Shawn was just watching us. On the way home he told me how much he loves to watch us talk. He talked about how people always say how much they can't stand teens and how he just cannot relate, because some of his favourite times are just watching us be... us.
The sadder part of the conversation was when Shawn stopped to see if Alex got home alright, and he wasn't there. Every time I drive with Shawn, he always stops to check on Alex.
and he was like "this is the part of the job I hated. Worrying about kids tears me apart".
I told him i didn't think him not being a youth pastor will change how much he cares for people and he's like "oh i know, but i wont be able to make new relationships and get close to them so much that it hurts. Every year there's another Alex and they come and go, and they're the kids that when I leave, the relationship will fade and they'll move on. It's not lie you because I've built that connection with you and we're friends now."
It so easy to see what Shawn is thinking just by looking at him. When we looked over at him while we were laughing in Tim Hortons, he was smiling, but his eyes looked so sad. This is really rough on him right now. We have to make this transition as easy as possible for him.


//Molly\\ -|- Meshiach -|- says:
he just enjoys listening to us talk
//Molly\\ -|- Meshiach -|- says:
and he doesnt want to lose that
Chelle hearts josh mills times affinity! says:
he wont
Chelle hearts josh mills times affinity! says:
we'll make sure of that