Loveology

I'm so crazy about so many people in my life.
Everyone is so incredible, and it's starting to make me feel like I'm such a burden.
I'm pretty moody a lot of the time, and I miss who I used to be.
This week with Vangi was a little rocky, but last night we talked a lot and I kind of spilled my heart out a bit. Honestly, I don't do that very often. I tell Michelle a lot, like what I think of people or situations... everything external. I think sometimes I'm really good at putting off the persona of a very open person, but nothing I ever talk about is internal, nothing is very real.
Flip, I feel so blessed to have Ben in my life. I don't know how he does it, but he lets off this sort of vibe that I can let those little things go. My insecurities and my hopes and dreams and the tender bits of my soul end up just kind of being poured out whenever I talk to him. He's just so... safe.
I love that kid so much, he's just an incredible friend.
Okay, that's enough about that.
I feel so tense and completely wound up right now. Everything is in such ultra-focus that I can't even concentrate on anything that is going on. So it's just going to keep going on forever.
I wish I didn't have that thing where I set expectations that are constantly broken. Not necessarily in people as much as events. Going to my family was so super-built up in my head for weeks that I just ended up coming home feeling worse than when I left.
Or I tell myself 'everything is going to be okay as soon as I see this person' and then everything reverts back to the old scheme of things.
I kind of have that going with my talk I'm going to be having with Shawn; finally getting to air all my hurt and confusion and betrayal and sorrow to him and getting his opinion on it. I told him last night that I just want to talk to him because I respect his opinion more than anyone, and he kind of laughed and said "cute, Molly" .

Come on youth pastor, make everything better.