Charade

So this weekend was pretty intense. It breaks my heart so completely how much we've all been torn apart since the last XLR8. I arrived so broken and was expected them to lift me up and bandage my wounds so I could just go on a little while longer. What I was faced with instead was a group of people whom I love more than anything, the ones I just want to protect from everything impure and awful and painful. My brothers and my sisters in Christ. They were bruised and beaten and... exactly like me. Instead of bandages I got acceptance and... renewal.
I really miss everyone a lot now, but I know that this time, it'll be different. We'll stay close and we'll lift eachother up and away from the things we can't bear. We will hold hands and jump headfirst into life, and know that we're not doing it alone.
Pray for my XLR8 session, for the pain, for the joy, for their renewed spirits and new life and roots and good fruit.
And mine.

This just kept replaying over and over in my head. It just seems to fit, not just my situation, but the situation that I've found we all seem to have in common right now. But, if it's God's will, will hopefully be ending, and this will all be the start of something new and beautiful and holy.

Another day, paints on the face
That they expect to see
It’s not all I want, but it’s all I’ve got
To make this world believe
nothing’s wrong with me

I’m an artist of emotion
A master of deceit
And the many faces I portray
Are nothing at all like me
How I long to be free

From this never ending maze
Oh my head’s in a daze
Every time I think
From this overplayed charade
Oh my heart’s gonna fade
And I can’t go on

It’s a tug of war, each moment
To hide this pain inside
Or to open up and spill this cup
Of feelings that I hide
But what will people do
And what will people say
When they hear the truth will they turn and run away
Will they throw a stone or lend a shoulder to lean on

It’s not fair, I can’t take this anymore
All these tears have drifted me to shore
Is there hope for someone just like me
And I hear a voice inside me say
"I can set you free...

...From this never ending maze
I will be your strength
If you let me lead
So just, take my hand and see
If you follow me
You can be free"