Cause it'll change with the season and you'll be the reason why

Every single year since before I can remember, winter has always been that lull between optimisms. I can look back on journal entries from back when I was 13 and it holds true. Winter always meant more drama with friends, more lame depressions over the opposite sex, more negativity towards my mom, my dad, my brother, myself.
Every year, like clockwork, the excitement over a new year subsides, the temperature drops, the snow falls, and for a moment, it's peaceful. As much as December brings forth a lot of pain and regret regarding my mom's wintery death, it also brings a lot of reflection. I can stand out in the snow and feel so clear and fresh, and feel like she's right beside me.
However, after that passes, the chill and the bitterness of the season just seem to stretch on. Winter always seems to drag it's feet. I always lose a bit of my hope that the sun and the warmth will ever return.
But it always does, and this year is no different.
I looked outside today and watched the sun glistening on the pavement. I saw the little girl across the street teaching her brother to ride a tricycle. I saw a shadows cast by appletrees and felt the sun warming my shoulders. And I reflected on my life. Nothing has really changed. Same friends (albeit some new ones), same boys (well, not since I was 13, but you get the gist), same parents (whether they walk with us, or with the J-man), same socially-lacking, sometimes aggravating, wonderful, loving, brother. Same overanalytical, heart-locked-up-in-a-steel-box-with-lots-of-deadbolts me. But everything seems so much less extreme with the sun streaming through the window and sizzling on the streets.
I feel like I never want to leave here. The past few months I've had moments that I've wanted to curl up in a ball and never leave my room, and days when I just want to run away to the furthest corner of the earth. Away from regret and disappointment and guilt and mixed signals.
But now I just want to lie back on warm beaches with my incredible friends laughing and enjoy being young and in God's grace.

ps. For the record, Carlye and I are FAN-FLIPPIN-TASTIC

CARLYEZILLA *rawr* says:
i have a confession.
CARLYEZILLA *rawr* says:
i enjoy the new miley cyrus song.
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
ohmygoshmetoo.
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
i thought i was the only one
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
...over 15
CARLYEZILLA *rawr* says:
me and michelle love it
CARLYEZILLA *rawr* says:
hahahaha
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
hahahahaa
CARLYEZILLA *rawr* says:
"the next time we hang out, i will redeem myselffff"
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
hahaha
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
"my best friend leslie says she's just being miley"
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
...ive never met a leslie
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
...under 45
CARLYEZILLA *rawr* says:
hahahaha
CARLYEZILLA *rawr* says:
and who wasnt a lesbian
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
hahahahaha
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
hey, we dont know about leslie
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
except shes ,like, 15
MOLLYZILLA Is The HEMP-NINJAZILLA says:
i wanted to post this in my blog, but i dont want to offend the heterosexual leslie's of the world
CARLYEZILLA *rawr* says:
hahahahahaa