sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug

so, tonight with no real way to remedy my chronic insomnia, I started reading through old documents on my computer... Lame, I know. Strangely enough, though, it brought me a strange sense of relief. Old journal entries that never really made it online, English papers from grade 11, and, my personal favorite, a letter to Taryn from early in grade 12... What a letter THAT was. (fortunately for both mine and Taryn's relative sanity, I don't recall ever sending it). What they all taught me was a) sometimes I'm better at admitting things to a word processor than to myself, b)I desperately miss writing, and I love how my writing matured as I did. Finally, I realized how much I truly have matured since the journal entries from grade eleven, or the letter from 2 years ago (has that much time truly passed?). I read all the things I was saying to others and myself, and I see so strongly the person I was trying desperately to be, and even more, I remember the person I WAS, and how hard that person was trying to fit into the mold I had laid out. But it just didn't... Fit. Despite my stresses and worries and all the hesitation and change I'm facing in my life, I'm starting to discover that, realistically, they'll always exist in my life. I know better than anyone that change is constant, and sometimes, so is the pain... But at least I can say that, for the most part, I know who I am now. And.I'm comfortable in this mold. It fits quite nicely.