I miss you
and I'm scared I don't really remember you anymore.
I live my life with people who never knew you, and the only real perspective I have is my own now. I have the same 10 memories that I feel I replay over and over, and I worry that those don't make up a fair representation of who you are.
I feel like it's only getting harder without you, and as more time passes, my understanding of my life and of you becomes more and more skewed. I have all these ideas of what a family is supposed to be like, and what it means to be raised and grow up and celebrate and love, but I feel like my experiences with all those things began to end when you left, and they don't fit with who I am anymore. It's like all my memories aren't mine, but are just a story I've heard so many times. I feel fragmented and missing all the time, and I don't know where I fit anymore.
I feel like I've lost you.