so please remember me seldomly

You know, sometimes it seems like such a waste.  Such a massive shame. I mean, I  stress to my friends how important it is to cherish their mothers, to not take them for granted. Because one day they may be gone.  And then I think of you. We were all so incredibly close when I was growing up. It was actually kind of pathetic how close we were. Like I couldn't find enough friends within my peers, so I settled for my parents. Pathetic, but also so wonderful. We would sit around on friday nights, playing card games and laughing. We laughed a lot. I never thought it'd be like this. We were't supposed to end up this way. It feels like a separate lifetime. You don't even look the same anymore, do you know that?
Your face changed, all of the sudden and slowly over time. Sometimes I lay in bed and think of what a terrible hypocrite I am, harping about parental relationships, and you and I are so estranged. That's the word, you know. Estranged. You are a stranger to me. I cannot remember the last conversation we had.  You know nothing about my life and I wonder about once every 3 weeks if you're alive, or lying somewhere, with no one to claim you, because you've alienated everyone in your life.  I never thought this would be us. I think back to 14 year old me, smiling and laughing, and I know that that girl would never be able to fathom any part of the last 9 years. Even jaded, angry 17 year old me can't quite wrap her mind around it. Slowly over time, and quite suddenly, we became strangers.  I wish our story had turned out differently.  But the truth is, it hurts to look at you. It hurts to imagine you so utterly alone and broken. I don't know how to relate with you anymore, how to talk to you. I don't know how to let you know me. I don't know how to be your daughter anymore.  And I'm sorry.