There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has punishment. John 4:18

My Upcoming Week

Monday - Shopping for Jobie favours (when I'm not practicing my 8 pages of memory work for
the Tribute Meeting!)

Tuesday - Skating with PE (!!!)
- Volunteer Appreciation Dinner @ Church

Wednesday - Bible Study @ Church

Thursday - Jobies - 3rd meeting and Ethel T Wead Mick Tribute Ceremony

Friday - Dangerous meeting at Shawn's - 7pm (If i don't do this, I WILL forget)

Weekend - Buffy Marathon @ Caitlyn's (not even kidding.)

So I'm not sure quite how I feel right about now.
Full circle was amazing tonight and I'm somewhat looking forward to the next week.
I mean, I have no reason not to... but there's a bunch of stuff pushing me down that I can't quite pinpoint. My life seems to be making sense. I know who I want to be, and where I'm going in life.
At this moment I just wish I knew who I was. I'm usually fairly sure. I know it's been hard lately. With Rachel wanting me to be like I used to, with others wishing I wasn't even here. And me.
I don't know what I've been doing to myself.
It scared me today at full circle when the thought passed through my head
"It'd feel really good right now to just leave all this behind and give in"
It was like an craving to deny God. It scared me so much.
I snapped out of it but I'm not sure what to do about it.
Definitely read my bible.
I didn't even tell Caitlyn, which is usually the first thing I do when stuff like this happens.
But I know she'd just tell me to read my bible anyway, which, duh, I could've figured that one
out on my own.
It's cool that Sherdan's back. I missed that kid a lot.
Things from a few months ago keep popping up.
Like him, and dreams about old friends... and I'm not sure quite what's going on.
It's like I'm aching to move backwards.
But I don't WANT to.
Something does.
But it is definitely not me.
Man I am so scared right now.