Yes, even stars break

So I've been looking back a lot.
It's something I never really do.
I probably overthink things too much:
things I do and say... I beat myself up about everything all the time.
But I never look back.
Until now.
I've gotten in touch with a lot of old friends in a very short amount of time...
during that some gaps have been created between myself and some of my current friends.
Most of them are my fault and I'm probably the only one who sees them.
But they're there... for me anyway.
Now I find myself wondering what would have happened if I had stayed in Qualicum.
I obviously wouldn't have the love for God that I do now.
And let's be honest, that would suck.
I can't help but wonder what exactly that would mean though.
I find myself thinking about all the people that have made an impact on my life.
Then there's me.
What have I really done?
Who has actually benefited from my involvement in their life?
If I was still in Qualicum I know that things would not be great.
I was talking to Chelsey, who was one of my only good friends I still had when I left.
The rest just seemed to flee when my mom died.
Even she seemed to see that I wasn't having the best time there.
It scares me to think what I could've turned into.
My thoughts are so wound up right now.
I wish life were easy. It never is, I know.
It never has been.
I've been trying to fit all of the things that have happened lately into my testimony...
trying to think of how they've made me a better person.
But I can't think of anything.
Maybe because it isn't over yet.
Maybe it never will be.