When we're still holding on to how things were, our arms aren't free to embrace today"

I find it a major miracle that he bible study topics are always things that relate to what I am dealing with the day before. It's so profound and such a blessing.
Tonight we talked about living for today. How you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and by living in the past, you can't move forward and accomplish a thing. After we watched the video Shawn made us close our eyes and envision the time when we were happiest.
Immediately, I thought back to that Christmas I was thinking about yesterday, the year before we found out my mom was sick. It was in the big house on Allsbrook, and everyone was there. Oma and Opa came with Aunty Carol and Chelsea, Helen (my mom's best friend at the time), Sam (the husband) and their daughters Alice and Joanne (MY best friends back then) were there... everything was perfect. There was christmas music blasting for days, the house always smelt like eggnog and cinnamon and at night I'd fall asleep to our crackling fireplace.
That's what I've been holding onto; the memories of my mom, and how I can't go back.
I guess in a way, it's easier than it would be for most. I can't hold onto the past, I can't stay there and attempt to stop it from changing, because I can't. My mom's death forced me to move past it. What I'm worried about is how my life is going to start changing dramatically very soon. Michelle is starting nursing, Mike and Tyler are going away to school, Carlye is moving to Langley... and I'm heading off to start my life God knows where... I do have the opportunity to stay, to try and freeze time and keep everything the way it is. To become a static representation of myself and not accomplish anything at all, but be safe.
With my mom, I had no choice but to move on and grow, now I have a choice... I just hope I make the right one.