Rather live my life in regret than do this

When I was in grade 8, my best friend since elementary school decided I wasn't worth her time, or anyone else's and I spent the entire year kind of alienated.
About 4 months after my mom died in grade 10, my best friend decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore and I ended up switching schools because being there hurt.
About a year ago, I was having a pretty rough time. My dad was doing the disappearing act again, I'd lost someone who was really important to me for a very long time, and everything felt out of sorts.
I was at bible study one day, and someone sat me down and told me to list 10 good things about my day or my life, and 10 things I liked about myself. She told me that she was always going to be there for me so I'd better be used to it, and she wasnt going to let me be hurt anymore. She made me do that every day for about 2 months. We'd talk every night and every night before I'd go to sleep she'd make me give her my list.
Today I was sitting on that exact same couch curled up in a ball crying, and I made myself list 10 good things in my life. And it was weird, because those 3 times were huge painful time in my life that I always seem to pinpoint right away. My 3 closest friends in life disappearing. But none of those times were as bad as this moment, right now. Or that moment today, on the couch.
I guess none of those people were worth the friendships they at one time had offered.
But this time is different, and I don't know what to do.