Don't give away the end; the only thing that stays mine

I cried for the first time in awhile today. Real crying. Real tears. I cried for myself and for you, and for Ben and for the starving people in Africa and the lonely and the brokenhearted and every single person that has ever felt pain.
I don't exactly know how to describe the way I feel these days. Broken?
My heart actually hurts. It feels like someone is squeezing my chest as tight as they possibly can. I feel like curling up into a tiny ball until I disappear so I can stop... affecting things. The only affects I make are bad ones. It's like I have this little crack in my soul that makes me hurt the people I love the most. Because of the last few years, I really dislike change, and yet I find myself on this warpath to destroy everything and everyone I care about before it... I don't know, spontaneously combusts? I guess it's one of those self preservation things... but it sucks.
I guess I do it so people can't abandon me; so I can't be alone.
Well, and here's the real kicker, now I've never felt more alone in my life... and it's all my fault.


I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live not stopping
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets