Carried to the table

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

So, I feel pretty blessed right now.
I mean, even if things don't always go my way 100% of the time, I know that the Father is always looking out for me. Now I know that when I have my huge talks with Shawn, he feels like it's going right over me... I just need to absorb it, I think. However, my talk with him yesterday while we were watching Emma during swimming lessons really set in my heart.
We were discussing some of the bad things that are going on with people I love very deeply and I asked him if he believed that it was spiritual warfare and his answer really penetrated my thoughts.

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

He said
"So you're asking me if I think it is Satan that is doing all these things. Well, what I want to know is 'why are you giving him so much credit?' I like to believe that Jesus knows what is going on in our lives and knows what is going to happen to each and every one of his children. I believe that MY Savior may bring upon some sort of pain or unpleasant circumstance if He believes that it will help out in the long run. Maybe the sicknesses at camp were to send kids home early because there was an earthquake coming, or maybe something was happening at home that one child needed to be there for. What we don't see is the big picture that God can see. The pharisees may have thought that THEY were winning when they nailed Jesus to the cross. Satan may have believed that he was winning when your mother died or when all those kids got sick at camp. What the pharisees didn't see, what Satan didn't see, was the salvation Jesus' death gave each and every man woman and child. He didn't see the way you were saved through the loss of your mother, the friends and family you gained.
Why wont you give YOUR God more credit?"

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

I am known for my words of not fearing death and not fearing the future, because I trust God to guide me through it just as he guided me so many times before. My problem is fearing him to make my choices right now. I love and trust my Savior... so long as he doesn't plan anything for me that I don't want him to. I've been battling with Him for weeks to change his mind about what he wants of me, because, to tell you the truth, I'd rather not take that path.
Yet I know that I will end up following his wishes, because in the end, He is the one true being that will always be there for me. He is the one I can rely on and confide in, when no one else is there. And yet, lately, he's the last one I turn to, because I'm scared to hear his inevitable answer to my inevitable question.
But the thing is, as scared as I am to do the things I know I'm about to do, I'll do them because I'm only hurting myself by waiting around for things that may never happen.
I have been shown the amazing differences that I can make and I have seen the way that I can do God's will. The trick is doing it.
So God, this is all for you.
I'm done making excuses.
Like a lame character from the office that I don't even particularly like once said
"There are always a million reasons not to do something."

You carried me, My God
You carried me