Grip

I never thought leaving my happiness behind would ever be an issue. 
The thing is, I'm ACTUALLY happy. It feels like such a long time coming.
I feel like I'm on solid ground for the first time in so long. 
Nothing has ever felt sturdy to me, I've never been able to rely on anyone, and now I have learned to rely on God. I have gained the self confidence to not fall back on others for protection or safety. It's like some sort of sick joke, that I'm finally growing in love and happiness, and I'm leaving. I am confident in my path here, but the future holds no guarantees.  I've gone so long trying to escape from here, to reach out for bigger and better things... and suddenly my life feels like the very best thing. I'm scared to leave and lose that.... lose my security and friends and love. It's like I'll leave and everything will collapse, the world will end there, and there will be no way to backtrack. What if I turn my back for a second and everything changes? I'm in this new place in a new life, while my old life slips from my grip... my friends feel pain, or fear, and I'm not there to protect them. Lord knows I can't protect them now, but I'm HERE, I'm here and I want everyone to be able to depend on that. If I'm halfway across the country, everything will change without me, and I wont be around to help. Or what if, by some miracle everyone stays safe and healthy and steadfast... but I am not? What if I leave and my happiness stays here? I've been blessed with so many things to be thankful for, so what right do I have to walk away from them all? Am I making the biggest mistake of my life?