Hypothetically Speaking

Maybe it's just wishful thinking
To suppose that you've made a glorious recovery.
That we can sit in a stark white living room, with cream trimmings
and look back on days of laughter and jovial playful thoughts.
I would probably be correct to assume that the days of holding my hand while I crossed the street are over
That the only thing left is catching a glimpse of each other in passing, while crossing a busy intersection.
And we wont stop to share a plate of cookies and reflect on hopes and dreams
but share a faint ringing in the ear and we struggle to remember where we recognize those eyes.
And only in the occurrence that we happen to glance in the mirror when we reach our seperate homes, would we catch the gaze of those same eyes staring back at us.
Maybe then we would wonder, for 5 minutes until the phone trilled us alert, if it could be true
If we had actually passed that distant memory on a street corner.
But the moment would pass and we would go our merry ways
not thinking of it much until curious children pull at coat sleeves wondering why everyone else has two sets of wrinkly grandparents pinching at cheeks.

GANG

So summer has been amazing.
Some of it has sucked (mainly the stuff that involves my dad), but the majority has been great.
I feel so thankful for everything. No matter what happens; if I never see my father again, if I have to move to Coquitlum... I will always feel so blessed to have all these amazing people in my life.


I hate time.
I mean, we've spent the past week hanging out and having an amazing time... going to the beach to pray for 3 hours until 2am... getting toes broken by Daryl Knapp and Tyler Paquette on trampolines (well.. that was just me) and it only makes it even harder when everyone has to leave.
In 3 days Michelle, Jessy, Tyler, Mary , Pearlanne and Mike all leave for camp.
Now I know that it's only for the summer, and I'll see them again in the Fall (and Jessy can come visit from CR) but our group will never be the same.
In August, Deanna leaves for Scotland for A YEAR. She leaves before the gang even gets back from camp! Then in September Caitlyn goes to the War College, and I lose a roommate... By the time she gets back, Tyler will be in Winnepeg at Booth, etc etc etc.

Our main people will never be together again.
Caitlyn recognized this awhile ago, but I only started stressing about it now (her random crying spurts have started to subside though).
Caitlyn, Carlye, Tyler, Mike, Michelle, Deanna... all of them (and more) you are my life.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I hate time and I hate change and I hate being scared of the future.
I know that I'll always be okay, but sometimes I wish I could hold on to them as my security blanket forever.

I'd jump if I knew you'd catch me

The thing about futures are,
They scare me.
They scare me senseless.
I mean,all I've been hearing all week is how strong I am, how amazing I am... how I am everything you're not.
I have counselors "checking in" on my "condition" every waking moment and teachers, not knowing I know that they've been "informed" (Hell, I helped the counseling office write the Teachers Advisory "Mahala's father is in the psych ward" letter) asking me, in ways they believe to be nonchalant, "how I am doing these days".
But I can deal with that. Because, you see, I've become a master at the here and the now. I can handle anything that is throw at me as it hits me in the face. Thr thing I can't quite grip is whatever is ahead. I hate the "what next" questions. I hate sitting on a ferry wondering with dread what lies before me on the God Forsaken land mass I used to so desperately cling to as my "home".
Because when you've spent the last 3 years of your life not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow, you begin to fear it. My stomach cramps when my friends make plans for a camping trip next week but say "If that doesn't work out, we can just do it at the end of Summer when everyone gets back."
I guess it's easy for them because they know that when they get back they'll have a place to belong.
When you spend all your time wondering if you'll have food tomorrow, or a dad on Tuesday, nothing is black and white anymore... everything is gray.
At least, that's what any therapist would say.
That it's not my fault, that I've been conditioned to expect abandonment... that I am too young to carry these burdens on my shoulders.
But I'm beginning to think that maybe I asked for this.
I spend a fair amount of time racking my brain trying to remember if I've done anything in my life that would cause everything I've ever cared about to disappear.
But that doesn't bother you does it.
No, my life is easy. I don't KNOW real life. I'm just a kid, I'm so sheltered from the tragedies of life, you always told me.
No dad, if I could give you credit for anything that I have ever been taught, and believe me, there's not a lot to choose from... at least I can admit that you taught me how to cry. You taught me how to fear and to lie and to hate myself.
And you taught me how to survive.

Mom.

A flower for your vanity, a penny for your thoughts
About the world's insanity and how we've gotten lost
Strike up the band to play a song as we go waltzing by
And fake a smile as we all say goodbye

Say a prayer for recognition, kiss the ones you love
Gather up the ammunition, sigh for all the lost
Strike up the band to play a song as we go waltzing by
And fake a smile as we all say goodbye

Raise a glass for ignorance, drink a toast to fear
The beginning of the end has come that's why we all are here
Strike up the band to play a song and try hard not to cry
And fake a smile as we all say goodbye
Goodbye

Dad.

A promise or a dare
I would jump if I knew you'd catch me
Staring over the edge
I can't tell if you'll be here for me

I close my eyes and make a wish
Turn out the lights and take a breath
Pray that when the wick is burned
You would say that it's all about love

You weren't there when I needed you
You weren't there when the skies broke wide, wide open
You weren't there when I needed you
You weren't there when the skies broke wide, wide open

You were never here

I remember you said
Love was more than your good intentions
Empty boxes on the floor
Things I never asked you for
I pray that when the wick is burned
You would say that it's all about love

I can't see the promise of
Excuses you fall upon
I pray to God not holding on
To things you've left undone

Cherrybomb

"It is innocence when it charms us,
Ignorance when it does not."
So you charmed me.
You downright made my knees do that pathetic jelly thing
and the butterflies burst from their abdominal cocoons
in a flurry of bright colors and burning nausea.
And so you made me do that girl thing.
The sit up at 4am and whisper to curious confidantes
about first kisses and those sweet nothings in the ear melodramatics.
Well it stops now.
The light that hangs listlessly from that crook above the freeway glows crimson.
As it were, the entire earth shares the shade.
Gone are the days where everything shone in pastels.
Everything is RED from here on in.
Red with determination, power and utter indignation.
Red like my heart.
That with each and every monotonous beat somewhat whispers your name.
Well, not a whisper as much as a loud clattering.
Or maybe the crash of a wrecking ball.
Oh who am I kidding?
End of poem.

Molly Woodford

Candlelight Vigel

I guess as the months and the years wear on
And that pretentious grandfather clock in the den chimes gallantly
I'm expected to feel some sort of peace.
I'm supposed to lift up my hands and declare that I am a better person and call out "I am gratified and I have grown through my pain and near demise!"
So I guess it helped in a way
It really added spice to the whole growing up pseudo-after-school-special-my-life-is-invigorated-by-this-one-of-a-kind-life-lesson thing

But the funny thing about growing up is,
it happens.
You can jet off to Antigua for God knows how long and it happens.
I would still grow and learn and screw up
-save deaths, rebirths, financial devastations and step-on-the-crack-break-your-mother's-whatever detonations.

So thank you for the gratification,
but I know and you know and that girl from my grade 10 science class knows that is is displaced.
Because despite all the tears and tears
and sordid pity hugs
I would have grown up and grow out.
Out of devastation, out of despair and out of her arms.

Molly Woodford

Soco Amaretto Lime

I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open)
So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
And we'll never miss a party (this offer...)
cause we keep them going constantly (...stands forever)
And we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
cause it's all been done and its all been said (eyeliner)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get

...9 days til Summer '07. (and last day of school)
...10 days til Grad Camp Out.
...24 days til graduation.

...24 days til the first day of the rest of our lives.

Life, God, Death and Your Family

I haven't been able to update in a very long time, which is just too horrendous for words.

So a quick debriefing:

May long weekend:
Historymaker... = 4 day long roadtrip to the farthest reaches of... Chiliwack...
with some of the best friends I could ever ask for.
4000 + teens from all over.
Good times had by all.
Went to a talk by a woman who went through something similar to my experience.
A part of her testimony was actually identical WORD FOR WORD to mine... weirder thing?
She grew up in Nanaimo (but now resides in Ontario)
Even weirder...? Her name was Ellen. Just like my mom.
Weird.

Last weekend:
Umm... Can't seem to remember what went on.
Oh wait...
Friday I spent some good times with youth group and we smashed things... not even kidding.
Saturday I organized a picnic in the park... cause I'm, like, worth it.
Basically just hung around with Maddie, Kaitie, Dori, Lindsey, Emily, Megan etc.
We played volleyball... (and I totally schooled everyone) and even tried discgolf... very unsuccessfully. Sunday I hung out at Caitlyn's house with the crew. [Michelle, Kate, Caitlyn, Mike, Tyler etc. etc. etc.] The norm.
We went to Earls for lunch, too. But we do that every Sunday.
Sunday night was fullcircle and Caitlyn did an AMAZING talk... sooo funny and great and 100% fabulouso. I gave my testimony too, without a sinlge hitch.
Michelle and I bawled for awhile too, cause that's what best friends do... but thats a story for another time, dearies.

This weekend:
Camping with jobies.
Met and fell in love with Ashley Truelove.
Basically an entire weekend spent spinning and falling and such fun with Ashley, Dori, Maddie and Teresa. Oh yeah, and swimming in the ocean late at night... for kicks.

So tomorrow my brother arrives on the island... he landed in BC saturday.
I cannot believe that this will be my first time seeing him in 2 years.
I missed him sooo much.
Can't wait.
Frig!
Gotta get some desperately needed beauty sleep.

Adios chickas and papa citos.

Candles.

Happy Birthday Mom, wherever you are.
I haven't quite decided on my beliefs for that one.
I hope you're having an amazing day and I hope you know
that as hard as it gets down here, I am always thankful for the part of your life that
I got to share with you.
The other night I was looking through my babybook and I found a bunch of letters...
well, notes, that you left Deana, the nanny, while I was a baby. Things about me sleeping through the night.
how you had taken me to the park, how Jacob showed me to his kindergarden class... and I saw that you were happy at one point. So mom, I guess what I am saying is, I'm glad you're at peace now, and even though things were not always easy for you here on earth, I'm glad I actually got to bear wutness to your beautiful smile and your wonderful laugh. I will never forget them as long as I live.

And mom? I'm hoping you have some pull with the big guy, so can you please ask him to give dad some relief today? He needs it.

I love you more than anything and I miss you more than words could ever describe.

Happy 54th Birthday Mommy,
and I pray you've found your happiness.

- Moo

Alright, don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy; We'll all float on alright

Does anyone else remember that song?
Float on, by Modest Mouse.
I sure do.
It was the summer before grade 10. The summer that promised to be the best one of our lives.
Now if I ever had to make up a soundtrack of my life, that song would definitely represent that entire summer. It was blasting non-stop from my boombox in our campsite on the rodeo grounds.
Lennie, Shannon, Veronica and I hummed it everywhere we went. It was reassurance for ourselves and a promise to eachother; that we'd be best friends forever.
Now whether we were or not isn't what matters. It's the fact that one single pseudo-popular song can embody within itself an entire chapter of ones life. I find it pretty remarkable.
We're talking about classical conditioning in psychology right now. How someone can be conditioned to respond a certain way to a particular stimulus.
Every time I hear that song, I instantaneously recollect Veronica and I eating 500 packets of Blitz(™) until they tore at our stomach linings and forced us to be laid up in a bed hallucinating sheep making out on the tent walls (well, that was my specific symptom... Shannon can vouch for me), ice cream headaches, sneaking out at 3am to the beach with Shannon, sitting on my roof with Lennie deliberating about life's mysteries, swimming in Stephy's pool, living at Tori's for about 2 months, BBQ's at Bev and John's (throwing plums at cars with Danika, Tori and Steve) and parties in the cowboy lounge.

So maybe we didn't all stay best friends forever, but I don't think that matters so much.
The point is, each and every one of us will probably remember something from that summer
that changed us, even if it was in a minute way.
And together or apart, we all did float on alright.

Two sides of the same coin

No, I never did say it was worth it.
I said a lot of things; that I needed you, that you were my other half.
No, we never did say it would last forever.
We hooked pinkies and promised it was for life.
Okay, so I admit it, there was always that sneaking suspicion,
that either you or I would find something better. Something worth it.
No, we never did truly thank each other.
For the hours of condolences through a telephone wire.
And no, we never did actually apologize.
For the tear stains left on the shoulders of sweaters.
But you know what the things is about stuff like that?
I don’t think you have to.
You shouldn’t have to.
You don’t want to.
The distinction between forever and two months is insignificant.
So you leave it unspoken.
And yeah, maybe it ends.
But that just means it was real.

Molly Woodford

Blah

I hate how my friends always bring up graduation and all the moms sitting together and crying and being all best friend-y.
i hate mother daughter moments.
and how everyone assumes that you have a mom on mothers day
or how I'm going to grow up and get married and not know what the hell I'm doing and have no one to help me.

I am taking this night to be selfish and cry about how everyone has a mom except me.
Yes, EVERYONE.
Except my cousin-in-law Elisabeth.
And Courtney.
And that kid Andy from my grade 9 science class.

i hate mothers day.
and I hate mother daughter day camps.
i hate the stupid moms who take 15 million prom pictures and grad pictures and save baby teeth.
and i hate the jewelry box in the closet that has all my baby teeth in it.
I hate the moms who scream loud on graduation day and embarrass their kids.
and sit on couches and hear about their kids first broken hearts.


Caitlyn.. it is in dying that we are born to eternal life says:
mothers day is a pretty hateable day
Caitlyn.. it is in dying that we are born to eternal life says:
mother daughter camps sound dumb, I've never been and never would like to
Caitlyn.. it is in dying that we are born to eternal life says:
My mom throws up at baby teeth, and threw all mine out
Caitlyn.. it is in dying that we are born to eternal life says:
and I too would hate a box full of teeth in my closet

Yea - FYI: Crisis is still unsolved by the way

Molly... When sundown pales the sky, I want to hide away behind your smile. says:
CAITLYN
Molly... When sundown pales the sky, I want to hide away behind your smile. says:
MAKE ME STOP FALLING IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND
Caitlyn.. it is in dying that we are born to eternal life says:
Molly
Caitlyn.. it is in dying that we are born to eternal life says:
It'll never work between us
Molly... When sundown pales the sky, I want to hide away behind your smile. says:
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Molly... When sundown pales the sky, I want to hide away behind your smile. says:
Sorry Caitlyn,
you're not my type.
Caitlyn.. it is in dying that we are born to eternal life says:
wait, no
Caitlyn.. it is in dying that we are born to eternal life says:
I'M doing the turning down here

On the radio

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath.
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

I got to sit on the patented Alex-recliner... wow.

So this mother's day has been pretty uneventful.
I went to church, helped Major June with Sunday School; the kids made Mother's Day cards, and I made a Mother's day boat. Shawn helped. He had to be in there because Katie was being bratty.
He ended up making the mast and sail himself. He likes to make boats?
Then they did the the thing where they get all the kids in the church to go to the front and choose a carnation to give their mom, and then go around and give other carnations to all the other moms in the church. I went around with Essie (what a cute kid) and gave them to the women working in the kitchen and the mom's who were in the nursery with their babies.
Shawn gave me three carnations, in 3 different colors, to add to my boat.
One is being dried right now.
I actually have 4, because Emma was playing tag while holding hers (her and Katie don't understand the concept of "give flower to mommy" yet, and after they hand them to Krista like instructed, ask for them back again.) so it broke, and she gave it to me.
(It sounds like a sweet thing to do, but really it was like "My 'fwower' broke. I don't want it. You can have it." and Emma throwing a pink carnation at me.)
After church I went to the Perry's with Chelsea and Alex [and Morin, Mary, Carlye, Charis, Daryl, Kirsten and Ricky... and baby McDonald!] ...Although, to be fair, there were no actually "Perry"s at the Perry house.
Dave went out for lunch with HIS mom, Shirley was in Vancouver to see HER mom, Danae was at work (it was actually pretty funny. She was supposed to give Carlye and Morin a ride home... and Charis, but she lives with her, so it's kind of implied... but as we were all walking out to the cars she was like "Wait. Do I work today? I WORK AT 12? *looks at watch* I WORK IN NINE MINUTES! I HAVE TO GO TO WORK, NO ONE CAN RIDE WITH ME!" and she drives away.
So Carlye had to squeeze into Shawn's truck with him, Krista, Emma and Katie and Charis had to squish into Ricky's truck. Morin got a ride with me, Alex, Chelsea (+ baby) and Mary.)
and Chelsea is a McDonald now. I guess Daryl could kind of count, since he lives at the Perry's, but whatever... back to my day.

So we hung around there for awhile and Alex told Kirsten to sit on her face, and then I challenged him to sit on his own face... and he tried. Other stuff like that happened all afternoon.
(And I wonder... is Alex really ready for fatherhood?)
Then we all went home.
Pretty uneventful, but good.

Happy Mother's Day mommy.. I miss you, I love you, thank-you for being the best mom I could have ever asked for.

Fidelity

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All of these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
when it breaks my heart

Suppose I never, ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never, ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never, ever saw you
Suppose you never, ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course it's gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better better better better

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All of this music
And it breaks my heart
And It breaks my heart

I hear in my mind
All of these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All of this music
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
and It Breaks my Heart
when it Breaks my heart
but it breaks my heart
when it breaks my heart
breaks my heart
and it breaks my heart
and it breaks my heart
and it breaks my heart
and it breaks my heart

Went to the fair with Katelyn and spent a lot of time with Rio and Candice.

Now I'm tired.
Lots of drunks on a bus at 11:30 on a Saturday.

...I miss Caitlin


My name: Molly Caitlin and Rachel are thebestest woodford-Cathcart-Ireland

Summarize me in three words: I love You

Where did we meet: Jobies

Take a stab at my middle name: sexy?

How long have you known me: 7 years

When is the last time that we saw each other: majority ceremony april 6

Do I drink: yes?


Do I smoke: no

Am I happy: most of the time...cause i love you

Am I a good person: werd

What was your first impression of upon meeting me/seeing me: shes short

What's one of my favorite things to do: sleepover at Caities house

Am I funny: hilarious

How do you make me smile: be caitie

What's my favorite type of music: caitlin

Have you ever seen me cry: yes

Can I sing?: not all the time

What is the best feature about me: your awesomeness

Am I shy or outgoing: hahahahahah!

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: rebel

Do I have any special talents: your strange ability to be spectacular

Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what): gay...yup definatley gay

Have you ever hugged me: thats a dumb question

Kissed me?: yuppers

What is my favorite food: samiches and juice boxes...oh wait thats mine

Have you ever had a crush on me: i still do

Am I dating anyone: i think so

If there was one good nickname for me,
what would it be?: mollypantssss

What's your favorite memory of me?: sleepovers and roadtrips

What is my worst habit: spazzing


If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing I would bring?: a canada flag

Are we friends?: nope

Do I believe in God?: yup

Am I family oriented?: kinda

Who is my best friend?: Caitlin

Will you repost this so I can do it?:
i already did

I just wish I were sleeping.

Sooo amazing

So my night was pretty rad, even though I got a bloody nose from piggy back wrestling.
(Ben and I are the ultimate duo and totally deserved to win)
So the photo montage beginsssss...

-----------------------------------------


Ben and I like to mirror murder mysteries on my digital camera

The following people endured the wrath of Katelyn Bledsoe






Keeley Mowatt: Ordinary 14 year old now, but
future supermodel all in due time.

The war hadn't even started yet, this was just
during the making of the bombs.

Flour bomb waaaars

The Idea: The Grand Tower of Youth Groupia!

The Construction: Rome was not built in a day,
but this poorly planned tower was built in 30 seconds

The downfall: Poor poor Tower of Youth Groupia (actually, this may
or may not have been my fault, as I was the top of the tower
and I kind of slipped.)

Caitlyn loves her spaghetti, crackers and rice pudding

Caitlyn puking her spaghetti, crackers and rice pudding

Caitlyn + Morin = SOOO in love (he is not stoked)

Best friiiiiiends (bright flaaaaash)


...also, I love Michelle Hetu... a lot.

Michelle Hetu (Wellington Secondary School) wrote
at 11:15pm on May 11th, 2007

"Molly Woodford
is wishing that every single male on the planet would do her a favour and drop off the face of it for a little while."

i have an idea on how we can make this happen.
i say that you and i go to wal-mart and see if we can buy a gun, and if that fails, we go to a gun store and buy huge machine guns like the terminator had, then we go all rambo on the male species.. and then once all the men are dead, we have a picnic with juice boxes and little pb&j sandwiches minus the bread crust, and reflect on our good work. and since most police officers and political people are males, we won't have to worry about being in any trouble.
it's a fool-proof plan. =]
oh, and after we exterminate the male species, we can send their bodies to outer space so that they can't become zombies and eat our brains.
at least not on earth.