And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me

So my Halloween was pretty enjoyable. Spent some time over at Michelle's where we watched our fav movie (yay best friends!) and ate the best chicken club pizza in the world.
Timmy was fully being a tool, but what else is new.
I just love all of my friends so much. Everyday I feel so blessed to have every single one of them in my life, even though I may not make it clear. I thank Ben a lot for existing, and I'm pretty sure I tell 'Chelle she's amazing each and every day, but what would I do without them?
Seriously, I spend pretty much every night with Michelle and Mike just driving around in her car. And Carlye has been around for me for the past 2 years like you wouldn't believe. Even though Caitlyn's gone... well, come on, I live in her flippin' house! Vangi is amazing and it breaks my heart that I don't see her as much as I should. Tyler is just there whenever anyone needs him and he can put a smile on my face in a heartbeat. There are just so many people that I honestly owe my life to. Michelle and I were talking in the car tonight about how it's not going to be like this forever. Eventually, (sooner, rather than later) she's going to be in nursing school, Mike's going to be some football star at some ivy league college, Tyler's going to be off at Booth changing the world... and there will be no late night hang out sessions, or 16 person sleepovers at my house. There wont be anymore weekends of the boys hopped up on '5 hour energy' singing at the top of their lungs in my room, or nights at the beach in Michelle's car. And I'm not going to lie, it scares me. It scares me to death. We're all going to be going our own ways soon, and I can't imagine a life without these people. Like Michelle said, we're expected to all be married (to each other, if the congregation has it their way) with children in a few years... and we can't really fit in nights at the beach then.
In other news, I'm really struggling with my past. I fear it so much, and it has me near paranoia. It's as if I believe it's going to come up to get me. I have a new and better life now, new and better friends, I have God (well, I always had Him, I just didn't know it), my church, the entire congregation... and yet, it all comes back to what everyone from 3 years ago thinks of me. Do they see that I'm happy, I'm healthy? Do they see the hundreds of amazing friends I have?
The strange thing is... opinions don't matter to me much. I have full belief that the only opinion that matters is God's. I don't pay much thought to what people think of me now. I demand respect from the kids in youth group, and I pray that they see me as a leader, and I always hope that people see who I am, and that I don't hide behind a mask, like I used to... but if someone doesn't like the person I am, than I don't pay much heed. However, I guess the little 15 year old inside of me cares. So can everyone pray over that right now? I want to let it go... I want to five it up. I honestly cannot grow if I'm not at peace, and if ALL of me is not willing to grow with me.
Well, I work in the morning... so, Grace.

ps. Seriously though, my friends are so rad.