I'm finding it hard just to be with you

Hmm, well..
I've been semi-sleeping for about 45 minutes, but when that failed, I decided to write something, with the half-hope that someone wakes up so that I have someone to talk to.
Wow. I'm selfish.
Tonight I keep having flashbacks to my conversation with Caitlyn, about how I wished I had gotten to know my mom better and how there are huge gaps in my life's story that only she could provide me the answers to. I sometimes envy my friends because of the conversations they have with their moms about them growing up, or their mom's own life experiences. There's no other way I can get some of that information, and it pains me. I was talking to Michelle tonight about how I'm over my mom's death. And I am... it's the fact that she's not alive that I still have trouble with.