"The greatest compliment would be to show him his efforts weren't wasted"

So I'm having this pretty intense conversation with Josh Mills, and out of nowhere I became this superforce, and it's gotten me pretty shaken up, so I figured I'd document it or something.


"ultimately, this is his time to think of what he needs for once, instead of thinking about all of us.
He needs his family, and they NEED him...
and I trust Shawn, i hold his opinion higher than any other human I know, and if he says everything is going to be okay, that we're going to be okay, than I know its true
I talked to him about how getting a new youth pastor will be hard and some kids might be sketched out, but honestly, if he's taught us anything, he's taught us how to love
and hes taught us how to survive, so we'll greet the new youth pastor (Lord help him) with open arms and we'll greet the challenges the same way.
Shawn is an incredible person, and he has God's spirit coursing through him, so i don't think its right; in fact, it kind of makes me sick, that anyone should be doubting him.
Josh says:
you just have to trust gods timing
Josh says:
which is infinitely perfect
Josh says:
and shawn has to be there for his family for sure
Josh says:
i think its great that his kids will have him
Josh says:
its just very hard
Josh says:
everyone just loves him so much
Josh says:
and to have scott go
Josh says:
and then shawn
Josh says:
is just alot to handle for some
Molly -|-You're a part time lover and a full time friend, the monkey on your back is the latest trend-|- says:
I'm not saying its not.
Shawn is the closest thing I have to a dad.
I don't think I've cried as hard as I did today since my own dad left.
But when I was surrounded by a bunch of youth crying, and I looked up and shawn looked RIGHT at me, i figured I had two choices.
I could over think and over analyze and kind of sink into the sorrow, or i could be the leader he's been building me up to be and make him proud.
So thats what I did. I held Kyle's hand, I hugged Tiana and Keeley... and thats what I'm doing now... I'm talking these kids through it, because I KNOW how hard it is for me, so I feel that it's my job to comfort those teens.
I'm not a teen anymore, I'm a leader, I'm supposed to be there for them
He's been telling me that for weeks
I guess it just took this for me to really exercise it.


I'm also having an equally incredible conversation with Josh Reno.


Molly -|-You're a part time lover and a full time friend, the monkey on your back is the latest trend-|- says:
Yeah
I don't think I could really spit that speech out more than once
but I'd like to, to shawn
one day

Josh:
i felt the same way about shawn
he was a huge male influence for me when Denis left.
the best thing we can do for shawn
is to keep the youth group alive and be the best leaders we can be
because he invested his time in us so that we could run it without him
the greatest compliment would be to show him his efforts weren't wasted




And that's just what we're going to do.

If I was a flower growing wild and free All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee

Today before church Oceana, the little girl from sunday school came up with her mom and said ":I saw you driving with your mommy! I saw you! And I waved! You were in a car!"
And her mom said "She was really excited".
I didn't feel it was my place to inform this little blond haired 6 year old angel with the glasses bigger than her face that I don't have a mommy at all, so I just told her that that was really neat, and asked her if she had a fun week at school and if she was excited for Children's story.

Oh yeah, and Shawn resigned from his position as youth pastor.
We all cried.
He cried the most.
I got all the youth up on stage to hug him, tell him 'we got his back', and pray.


...and I saw Juno today.
It's now my favourite movie.

Toodles.

Tree Hugger

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.

And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.

And the rattlesnake said,
"I wish I had hands so
I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said,
"Don't you understand,
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice,
But hug my flower with your eyes."

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.

And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.

And I'm racking my brain for a new and perfect way to let you know you're more to me than what I know how to say

So today I was teaching Junior Soldiers Sunday School with Diane (this amazing little Scottish woman from my church... I wish everyone in the world was like her) and it was all about forgiveness.
I was pretty lucky, because unlike this summer when all my classes had 30+ kids in it (they combine all the classes during the summer) this one had a grand total of 6.
Junior Soldiers is for all the kids 6 - 8, which is actually my favourite age group.
I love Emma and Katie and the other tinier munchkins, but I also like being able to talk to the kids and have them listening to what I'm saying and know that they're actually processing it.
The class is full of some of my favourite kids on the planet.
Holly is Steve Cochrane's daughter who took a real liking to me when she discovered our names rhyme. He only gets them (Holly and her brother, Riley) on alternating weekends, and he's been telling me that she's been asking whether I'll be at church before she goes, and its always weeks when I'm out of town ("Molly, you're making a liar out of me to my kids!") so she was super excited to see me.
Aidan is an angel of a little boy. He's really smart and gentle and could actually stop traffic with his huge curious eyes. (Likewise for his little sister, Veronica, who never actually SAYS anything, but thinks what she's saying are words, which just makes it all the more charming).
Jasmine is the little girl who has made it her goal in life to follow me everywhere I go each week in wild truth, and she's just a gorgeous innocent little thing.
Lastly, there's Claire. She's the little monkey. So far, I'm the only Wild Truth leader she pays any attention to, so I was pretty stoked to find out she was in my class.
There were 2 more kids that I don't know very well, Oceana, a tiny blonde child with huge glasses and a voice like a mouse, and Dylan, probably the brightest, hardest working 7 year old on the planet.
In the Junior Soldiers workbook, they had to do a crossword puzzle about Forgiveness, and there weren't enough books for Dylan, so instead of just opting out of it, or accepting our offer to drawn him one, he insisted that he draw it himself. He actually copied out the entire lesson plan from Holly's book and then did the puzzles about 10 minutes after the other kids.
I also learned that Claire, the monkey, (as well as the little sister of the 12 year old that I mentor, Emily) is smart as a whip. She's the youngest in the class, but she needed the least help doing any of the work.
On a slightly unrelated topic, the craft was asking God to forgive your sins. Each kid got a paper cross and wrote "Jesus, please forgive me for..." and then something they did that was bad.
I noticed that Claire hadn't written much so I went over and asked her "what is something bad that you do sometimes that you want God to forgive you for?"
and she replied with "I'm AAAAALWAYS mean to my brother."
I just love that little firecracker with all my heart.
Also, when I mentioned to Emily the events that occurred, she told me that she'd told Claire that I'd mention it and she'd responded with
"I'm such a genius"

I love the Larsen sisters.
I love Sunday School.
I love every one of those little miracles that I get to spend each week with.
Praise Jesus.

You only stand to break my heart, I can tell it by the way you run away

Tonight a bunch of us went to Karen's house. The 'old gang'... so basically me, Carlye, Caitlyn, Josh, Kate, Michelle etc.
Shawn and Krista came, which was awesome, and Krista and I made definite plans to MAKE definite plans regarding a mentoring sesh, since we haven't gotten together much since I asked her to mentor me.
Alex (whose last name I cannot recall) and Sharon Bard came as well; they're the new youth pastors for Neighborhood. I didn't really talk to Alex much, but he seems nice enough, and he seemed to really bond with Josh and Mike.
Sharon, obviously, is lovely.
I had a meeting with Shawn near the end and told him about a lot of what I've been feeling, what's going on in my life, and how I feel about what's going on in others. I know it was hard for him to talk about some stuff, but he said some things that kind of helped both of us, I think.
He also made it very clear that I will NEVER be alone, and that he's never going to let me go through anything alone. He ended with "Molly, we've always figured this out togehter before, right? Whether it be money, or your dad, or mom, I've never stopped until we've worked out a solution, and it's no different now."
He told me he was going to work out ways that I could just come over to his place when I needed to be with a happy family or just hang out and know without a doubt that I was not alone... or if I just needed a hug from Krista. ("I reason with things and determine logic, Krista gives you hugs")
Flip, I just feel so blessed to have that entire family in my life.
How did I ever luck out this much?

Oh Josh Mills

Molly Give me space so you can drown in this with me says:
25 DAYS
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
until
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
xlr8?
Molly Give me space so you can drown in this with me says:
you're so smaart
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
dang
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
i need to get reading
Molly Give me space so you can drown in this with me says:
i finished it
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
holy jeez
Molly Give me space so you can drown in this with me says:
now i have to write the essay about how i have failed as a Christian, according to that book
Molly Give me space so you can drown in this with me says:
the other one was inspiring, this one was just depressing
Molly Give me space so you can drown in this with me says:
it was like a literary slap in the face
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
haha
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
o mollty
Molly Give me space so you can drown in this with me says:
oh her
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
hhahaha
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
o molty
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
anyways
Molly Give me space so you can drown in this with me says:
i feel a new nickname coming on
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
o molly
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
such a deep thinker
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
haha
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
molty
Fru Fru Is A Horses Name says:
i'm so calling you molty
Molly Give me space so you can drown in this with me says:
see? i called it

Loveology

I'm so crazy about so many people in my life.
Everyone is so incredible, and it's starting to make me feel like I'm such a burden.
I'm pretty moody a lot of the time, and I miss who I used to be.
This week with Vangi was a little rocky, but last night we talked a lot and I kind of spilled my heart out a bit. Honestly, I don't do that very often. I tell Michelle a lot, like what I think of people or situations... everything external. I think sometimes I'm really good at putting off the persona of a very open person, but nothing I ever talk about is internal, nothing is very real.
Flip, I feel so blessed to have Ben in my life. I don't know how he does it, but he lets off this sort of vibe that I can let those little things go. My insecurities and my hopes and dreams and the tender bits of my soul end up just kind of being poured out whenever I talk to him. He's just so... safe.
I love that kid so much, he's just an incredible friend.
Okay, that's enough about that.
I feel so tense and completely wound up right now. Everything is in such ultra-focus that I can't even concentrate on anything that is going on. So it's just going to keep going on forever.
I wish I didn't have that thing where I set expectations that are constantly broken. Not necessarily in people as much as events. Going to my family was so super-built up in my head for weeks that I just ended up coming home feeling worse than when I left.
Or I tell myself 'everything is going to be okay as soon as I see this person' and then everything reverts back to the old scheme of things.
I kind of have that going with my talk I'm going to be having with Shawn; finally getting to air all my hurt and confusion and betrayal and sorrow to him and getting his opinion on it. I told him last night that I just want to talk to him because I respect his opinion more than anyone, and he kind of laughed and said "cute, Molly" .

Come on youth pastor, make everything better.

Hide and Seek

Where are we?
What the ^hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to _fall,
^Cr_op ^ci_rc^le_s in the carpet, _sinking, ^feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years they were here first.

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before.
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
Oh you won't catch me around here.
Blood and tears
They were here first.

What'd you say?
That you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
What'd you say?
That it's all for the best? Of course it is.
What'd you say?
That it’s just what we need? And you decided this.
What you say?
What did she say?

Ransom notes keep _falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, ^newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

If you ran to the ends of the earth, I would catch you and you would be safe...

So today we went for brunch at my Aunts house.
The biggest event to be noted is when Ewan, my 1 yr old second cousin, and I shared a 'moment' and totally jelled. We're BFF now.
I don't think I'll ever mean much to Isla apart from being her playmate. I don't need a name, I'm just that girl she can bend to her whim. I love my cousins.
Tonight I'm staying at my OTHER Aunts house in Coquitlum and I've had a pretty good time. We went for a walk around the nighborhood looking at Christmas lights like we used to do when I was little, and talked to my brother on the phone. We also watched The Bourne Ultimatum and my Uncle admitted how he's pretty much in love with Julia Stiles. Awkward for everyone.
I have a horribly sore throat and am still feeling more heartbreak-y than Christmas spirit-y.
For the entirety of this trip, no matter how many people are in the room, I always feel alone.

...if you fell down the well I would bring you a rope and take all the pain

So I'm staying at my cousin Celidh's house and I've been tossing and turning for hours, so now I've kind of given up on sleep.
So far my Chritmas has been pretty good. I got here earlier tonight and pretty much just hung out with Celidh's friends' 4 year old daughter, Taylor.
Afterwards Celidh and I watched Christmas themed chick flicks while Fred played WoW, and now everyon else is asleep while I wonder how I could NOT be.
I hope this holiday goes alright. I wish I could just feel peaceful right now, and I thought once I was here with my family everything would be better.
But nothing is.

Dirty and Left Out

Hello, I swear I won't be too long
Hello, I promise I'll be real strong
Wait up, I just wanna tell you
Hold up, why are you still here?

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know

Why do you wanna be all listening to me
Why do you spread your arms and tell me I'm free
Why do you wanna be in my life
In my life

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know

Jesus, Jesus
There's something about your name
Master, saviour, Jesus

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know
Jesus
Jesus

I want more than desperation, I want more than a lonely nation

I'm feeling a lot better currently.
I went out with Michelle and we talked... about everything. I'm so glad that she's up to talking about what's going on with everyone right now. She deals with things silently, I deal with them through talking them out, however, whenever I'm battling with something, no one wants to talk. I still have hours of "mom-related" talking to get out of my system from 3 years ago, but no one really wants to hear anything else on that subject.
I also talked to Chris about how we've been feeling about a variety of things and our feelings regarding life in general are startlingly similar. He also told me that I'm the bravest person he knows. That was a major shock, because I've always considered what he's gone through WAY more intense than my crap. It also meant a lot, because although I've been called brave 4327843725 times in the past few years, coming from him it meant so much more. He didn't mean it in a "aww, you're mom's dead, that sucks" kind of way, but in a genuine "I respect the way you approach life" kind of way. It was big.
We also talked about how I wish I had gum that was a multitude of meals, like in Willy Wonka.

.:Chris:. -||- .What to do, what to do.... -||- says:
I wouldn't. That sounds icky
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
and a dog as big as Clifford that i could ride places.
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
I was thinking of that today while i walked the dog
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
i glared and her and thought "you're useless to me as an commonplace transportation device"
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
or a dinosaur
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
he could do my bidding
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
cause his teeth would be sharp and he'd have ice-age-old rage to throw into SOMETHING extracurricular
.:Chris:. -||- .What to do, what to do.... -||- says:
Threaten to eat your bosses if they don't give you a raise
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
don't you mean threaten to make HIM eat my bosses?
Molly סלה Run where you'll be safe says:
humans are gamey

Run where you'll be safe

I'm talking to Taylor Craig and I started telling him about my overwhelming loneliness that I didn't even realize I had.
About how increasingly since Caitlyn left, I've been feeling so alone, and I hate it.
How I'm always surrounded by people, but I can't talk to them and I'm always off by myself because I don't fit. My only solace is youth group, which I throw my entire being into. I love on those kids like crazy, just waiting for some of it to be returned.
It was an intense revelation for me.
I kept thinking it had something to do with not having my family, and I've spent weeks thinking about moving to Vancouver to be with them, and that it would fix everything.
I don't think I need family, I just need people.

<3//>
You just need love from people.
<3>
Tangible love.

I've been missing my mom so much lately, wanting her here just to hold onto me, but I don't think thats so much wanting HER, as wanting someone. She's just the person I relate that kind of compassion to and I don't know if those kind of people who can devote that kind of thing into me exist in my life. I can't expect anyone to do that, it's not fair.
But I don't want to feel empty anymore.

The Caitlyn Spence Show and other phenomenons from the past year

Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY THE ROLOOF FAMILY HAS A REALITY TELEVISON SHOW AND I DO NOT
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
WHY
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
who are they?
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
Little people big world
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
oh yeah
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
cause you have no midgets in your family
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
so
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
their show has nothing to do with midgets
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
dwarfism is a big seller
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
except that some of them are
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
it's just like "Today, we are going to play soccer. We are little people playing soccer"
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
and then half an hour of them doing everyday normal things
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
WHERE IS MY SHOW OF ME DOING NORMAL THINGS
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
I'd watch the Spence's
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
NO.
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
just Caitlyn.
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
oh...
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
hmm...
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
I dunno, Chelsea has a lot to offer...
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
not even
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
she can make cameos
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
who else is gonna be in your show
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
like... the opening credits
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
hmm
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
my mom
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
cale
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
shawn
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
the youth group kids
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
ooh ooh can mine have me doing something amazing
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
like playing Beethoven's 12th on the fluglehorn?
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
yes
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
but it'll be drowned out by the theme song
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
as long as my obvious talent is evident to the viewers at home
Caitlyn.. if this is salvation, I can show you the trembling says:
mmk
--------------------------------------------------
Molly says:
tequilla???
you drunkard!
Molly says:

I'm Home ! says:
ya thats ME

Caitlyn.. the chemistry between us could destroy this place says:
at least she can admit it
Molly says:
unlike Keeley.
She needs help.
Caitlyn.. the chemistry between us could destroy this place says:
oh her
Molly says:
34. What do you like about the summer? Drinking, camping, drinking while camping, drinking inside, drinking outside, going on drunken excursions, walking everywhere without a coat, while drunk possibly.
Molly says:
my brother can enter counseling with Keeley
Caitlyn.. the chemistry between us could destroy this place says:
He means koolaide right?
Caitlyn.. the chemistry between us could destroy this place says:
koolaide is the drink of summer
--------------------------------------


#21 Molly -|- Where there is great love, there are always wishes. -|- says:
...is that a watering can?
# 19 miCHelle's tip of the day: People who live in glass houses....shouldn't walk around naked 5 days says:
NO
# 19 miCHelle's tip of the day: People who live in glass houses....shouldn't walk around naked 5 days says:
ITS CLEARLY A CAR
# 19 miCHelle's tip of the day: People who live in glass houses....shouldn't walk around naked 5 days says:
AND A HOUSE AND A SUN AND A FLOWER AND ME IN A YELLOW FLIPPING SKIRT
-------------------------------------------------

Molly Grace marked your heart says:
WE SHOULD START A CLUB FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN BEATEN BY CLAIRE AT BOWLING
Caitlyn.. NO HOSANNA TOMORROW says:
YOU TOO!?
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
YEAH
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
i won the first round
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
the second round i was too busy dancing with the perry kids
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
isn't she four?
Caitlyn.. NO HOSANNA TOMORROW says:
yes?
Molly Grace marked your heart says:
WE ARE SO PATHETIC
------------------------------------------
Carlye says:
i called you
Carlye says:
and i have a plan
][Molly][ I’m drowning but I don’t care, because when you got what I got, who needs air? says:
ooooh plan?
][Molly][ I’m drowning but I don’t care, because when you got what I got, who needs air? says:
i love plans
Carlye says:
i have a list of things that are at caitlyns house
Carlye says:
this is your mission molly woodford
Carlye says:
find the jade monkey before sundown, and the world will be saved
][Molly][ I’m drowning but I don’t care, because when you got what I got, who needs air? says:
lolololololol
Carlye says:
......wanna hear the real plan
][Molly][ I’m drowning but I don’t care, because when you got what I got, who needs air? says:
yes please
---------------------------------------------------
Carlye the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
im scared to call rachels house this early, is it safe?
Carlye the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
or should i wait until 8ish
Molly Chris is a fatty says:
sure
Molly Chris is a fatty says:
they wake up early
Carlye the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
i'm doing it, if i die its your fault
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
did you die?
Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
yes
Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
im dead
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
aw.
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
how sad
Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
no kidding eh?
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
...can i have your hair straightener?





Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
IM STILL ALIVE
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
IT'S A MIRACLE
Molly Father we will lead them home says:
PRAISE THE LORD
Carlye {gabe tonight!} the vision is holiness that hurts the eyes... says:
HALLLEELLUUUJJAAHHH
--------------------------------------





Chelsea and Molly discussing the package of "meatless meatballs" in the freezer

Molly: you know, the whole meatless meatball concept makes little sense. Because if your meatballs were indeed meatless, they would cease to exist.

Chelsea: What if it was a vegetarian cow?

Molly: Well, maybe if it was a VEGETABLE cow... like, made of broccoli instead of cow.
---------------------------------

Kay, that's all, for now.
Other newsly news?
I still have a flu and want to die and junk.
I got a job.... even though I had to leave the interview to throw up.
YAY.
Vangi is coming to visit for New Years.
I leave on Saturday for my aunts house.
SO STOKED.
Kay, gonna go get better now.
LOVE

Starry Night

So I was watching Boy Meets World at 2am, because that's how I roll, and it was all about Starry Night. Topanga and Cory are on a break and their relationship pretty much depends on the Van Gogh painting, Starry Night.
Topanga spends hours speaking to a guy she meets about how it seems to signify God's love. That God is protecting the people in the little town. "They live their lives and they come out of their houses, and they see this sky and they know God's protection and love. And that everything will be all right."
She comes to the conclusion that their relationship depends on what Cory sees when he looks at the painting. He decides that what he sees is an attack. That God, unhappy with how some particular humans treat other particular humans who love them, has decided it's the end of the world.
I don't know why I'm blogging about a nineties sitcom, but I just felt like I should. It just... felt right.

Seasons of Love

So Michelle and I went to visit her dad today and they both informed me that it is less than 2 weeks until Christmas.
Last night at the banquet, Jamie (F.B Youth Pastor) talked about the lies that we're fed about Christmas. How Christmas is about gifts, Christmas is about Santa, eggnog, friends, family, giving. He talked about how Christmas isn't about any of those things. Of course Christmas is a great opportunity to see family and commune with friends and all your loved ones, and giving is a great thing. Charity is important, and community is a focus. But ultimately, Christmas is, plain and simple, all about the Savior.
As he was delivering this message (and Michelle and I were dressing Scott and Shawn up like Santa and Jesus [Shawn is not a very convincing Jew. He tried a Jewish 'accent' and came off sounding Asian... no joke]) I thought back to RENT. I've seen that movie over 100 times, easily. I used to watch it every night before I went to bed and every morning when I woke up a few summers ago. I loved that movie... I kind of even wanted to LIVE that movie. Now THAT was community! The opening song in that movie is 'Seasons of Love', and the story begins and ends on December 24th, following the lives of a group of friends living the 'Bohemian' [boho-chic] life.
Love is the central theme to that entire movie, and how this time of year is all about love. For family, for friends, for the less fortunate. Now what I wonder is, if Christmas is losing it's original point, and I DO believe that it is, shouldn't we hold onto this love? Now everyone in the world may not be spending Christmas praising Jesus, but if they ARE with family, or are giving presents, aren't those expressions of love? And I thought that God WAS love. So if Christmas is no longer the season of the Lord in everyone's life, what about the season of love?
Because whether everyone knows it or not, I think that when they're loving, they're praising.

If you listen to the sound of the hope in the voices of the children asking questions ,you'll know how blindness is a blessing

So my very best friend in the entire world is moving across the country.
Merry Christmas.

PEACH AND LIME DAQUIRIESSSS

Right now Carlye and I are looking back at grade eleven.
(and listening to Panic! At The Disco... but don't spread it around)
It's so bizarre to think of how much has changed since then, and how dramatically different we all are.

Carlye my beautiful rescue... הפניה says:
this is awesome
Carlye my beautiful rescue... הפניה says:
all i can remember is me you, rachel and camille singing this on the bus on the way to parksville
Molly סלה True love stories don't have endings, but darling this one does. says:
ahha i know!
Molly סלה True love stories don't have endings, but darling this one does. says:
haha
Molly סלה True love stories don't have endings, but darling this one does. says:
we're amazing
Carlye my beautiful rescue... הפניה says:
oh yes.
Carlye my beautiful rescue... הפניה says:
the poor grooms bride is a WHORE
Molly סלה True love stories don't have endings, but darling this one does. says:
so she's not bleeeeeeeeeding on the ballroom floor just for the atteeeeention
Molly סלה True love stories don't have endings, but darling this one does. says:
you're pulling the trigger, pulling the triggerrrrrrrr!
Carlye my beautiful rescue... הפניה says:
hahahahhahaa
Carlye my beautiful rescue... הפניה says:
SO SCENE
Molly סלה True love stories don't have endings, but darling this one does. says:
WHEN I SAY SHOTGUN YOU SAY WEDDING
Carlye my beautiful rescue... הפניה says:
SHOTGUN
Molly סלה True love stories don't have endings, but darling this one does. sys:
WEDDING
Carlye my beautiful rescue... הפניה says:
SHOTGUN
Molly סלה True love stories don't have endings, but darling this one does. sys:
WEDDING
Molly סלה True love stories don't have endings, but darling this one does. sys:
We were soo hardcore

Absolute

So it's December 10th.
I can't believe it was 3 years ago today that my mom passed away.
I'm in a very reflective mood right now; it's not a bad day, this one... it's usually the weeks leading up to this day that aren't so hot.
I'm trying to avoid the thoughts, feelings and general memories from that night 3 years ago... they aren't happy ones and they don't exactly help with the general coping process. I'm mainly looking back on the past 3 years... how much has changed. That first year seemed to stretch on forever, and I feel like the time spent in Qualicum without her was much longer than the ones I've spent in Nanaimo. It definitely doesn't feel like it was two years ago that I burst into Rachel's biology class crying. (I missed my bus, forgot my backpack, was late to school etcetera etcetera, and then on top of that I was reminded by everything that a year later my mom was still dead; it was rough.)I cannot believe that I've spent over 2 years in Nanaimo, and known most of my friends; the church, youth group, Shawn, for... well, two years... today.
So although my mom's death isn't exactly a memory I can look back on and smile about, a lot of the things that came from it are worthy of a smile. My amazing friends, the church, the youth group, sleepovers with Michelle, talks with Caitlyn, being monkey's with little Claire, every single thing in my life, good or bad, is a direct offshoot from my mom's death. I'd rather not think of it like that, though.
Maybe they're all gifts from my mom. Like even long after she's gone from this earth, she's still taking care of me.

Forever

So this weekend in Vancouver was pretty much amazing.
It started off with a bang with the NINETEEN HOUR ferryride on the shiftiest excuse for a boat imaginable (and by 19 I did, in fact, mean 2) however, Michelle, Mike and I somehow managed. Then we got greeted by dear, sweet, Cassie Marsh. (Who has the most incredible family, by the way). The hours before the banquet were spent giggling and being girly and ridiculous... it was obviously amazing. (Well, that was Michelle, Cas and I... not Mike. He was a 'man's man' and played videogames with Bradley and Andy [Cassie's brothers... they're triplets!])
The ride to CHT was quite the adventure. Might I say that David Grice is INSANE... driving wise, anyway. Besides almost getting the 15 or so of s KILLED, he also ducks with directions and we got lost and were late to the banquet. This, paired with the wiplash, was worth it for the AMAZING greeting we received upon arrival. Everyone lauching at you shrieking and hugging is definitely great for the self esteem. It was SO great to see Vangi, Rebecca, Jessica, Jaz... EVERYONE (I'm not going to start a list with the chance of leaving someone out). Vangi and I sat together (with Joanna and Co., of course) and had the best time... and may or may not have stuck out a bit (we definitely make a ruckus wherever we go... BESTFRIENDS!) and we all danced our tushes off. It was SO incredible to see everyone again; I really missed them.
Michelle, Cas and I had some really good talks after getting home last night (after getting supremely lost on the way home, since Mike Touzeau, despite growing up on the mainland, cannot find his way from Langley to Richmond.)
The ferry home today was... just as long... only lacking in one Mike Anderson, and afterwards Michelle and I had a smashing old time going to the singing Christmas tree with Tyler... and talking about goats wearing cover-up, in McDonalds.
Overall, an amazing weekend.


ps.
Michelle says:
and i'd like to point out that she makes the same "i'm a retard! Hear me ROAR!" face each time